Episode 69: Slow Pleasure (with Euphemia Russell)
How different would you feel if you had 10% more pleasure in your life? In this one, Ev’Yan speaks to Euphemia Russell (they/them) about the practice of slow pleasure—which is also the title of their bestselling book. They talk about what micro-dosing pleasure can look like, the inseparable link between pleasure and somatics, and what pleasure really means outside of narratives of shame and excess. Euphemia also shares some simple and accessible body-based practices to help us slow down and deepen our connection to feeling good in our bodies.
The full transcript of this episode is below.
Links/mentions:
Euphemia’s book, Slow Pleasure
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Euphemia, (they/them) is a full spectrum pleasure coach and bestselling author of Slow Pleasure. They combine their training in somatic coaching, and sex education to create space for their clients. Creating space for them to pause, listen and remember their full spectrum of pleasure and choices in each moment, drip by drip and microdose by microdose. All in the name of aliveness and reestablish a nourishing connection to self, others, and the land. Euphemia's work has been featured in Elle, Cosmopolitan, Vice, Harper’s Bazaar, and multiple national radios and newspapers. Euphemia is born a settler on unceded Kulin Nation lands (AKA Melbourne, Australia), and a migrant to Tongva land (AKA Los Angeles, California). They hold the identities and experiences of being white, queer non-binary, able-bodied, born middle-class, and a trauma survivor.
Transcription:
Hey, welcome to Sensual Self. I'm Ev'Yan Whitney and this is a space for you to slow down, tune in, heal and feel the sensations and pleasures of your sensual body. Thank you for being here.
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Heyyyyy! Welcome to the new season of Sensual Self! I hope you had a beautiful summer, or winter. And that you are easing into this new season with a lot of slowness, softness, and nourishment. I have missed all of you, I really have. And I'm very jazzed to be back on your feed and in your ears. This new season is so wonderful, y'all like I can't even put to words how good it is. And I can't wait to share with you all of the brilliant and beautiful and rich conversations that we'll be moving through together over the next few months. And here we are back for a new season. Let's not waste any time. Let's get right into it.
How differently would your life feel if you had just 10% more pleasure in your life? This is something that my friend and guest on today's episode Euphemia Russell poses in their work as a full spectrum pleasure coach. And I've been sitting with this question since we spoke. As someone who works within these realms of pleasure, sensuality and embodiment, I'm no stranger to prioritizing feeling good. Matter of fact, I would say that pleasure is a language that my body is quite fluent in. Because I've made a concerted effort to ensure that feeling good is at the center of everything that I do, sometimes to a fault. So contemplating having even more pleasure in my life. I have to admit that, that is feeling edgy for me right now. Sitting with that question, a voice popped up and was like, "What, you? Having even more pleasure? That's just excessive", which was curious to me.
You know, it's so interesting how when we're beginning these explorations around pleasure and savoring our minds can immediately go to excess, as the pleasure is this all consuming or totally nothing kind of thing. Very black or white. Even when I was in the beginning stages of creating a practice of pleasure for myself, I found myself coming up against a fear that if I opened that door, I would be flooded with feeling good to the extent that I would become irresponsible, and narcissistic, and gluttonous. And while I think that those concerns are real, and I don't want to bypass them, the fact that pleasure conjures up a fear in us that we'll become walking embodiments of the seven deadly sins, feels to me like a remnant of purity culture that continues to blend with our modern society today. This idea that pleasure is a powerful force, one that can ruin our lives if we get too reckless with it. And because of that, we can't trust ourselves to explore the depths of pleasure. I've seen that a lot in my work as a sexuality doula, these people who have deep hungers, but have been taught that they can't be trusted in seeking them out or savoring them. And like, listen, there is definitely such a thing as excess. There is definitely such a thing as people using pleasure to escape their bodies to run away from feelings or hard conversations. You know, everything in moderation. But that also includes moderation.
Because what I've seen is that the same people who are terrified of being taken under the sticky and sweet wave of pleasure, never to emerge again—these are the same people who have cultivated such a strong sense of self control, to the point that they never even allow themselves a taste of something sweet. And what I've found is that this risk of getting lost in pleasure is not as great as the risk of denying themselves of it, for fear they'll lose their center in it. We're often so scared of being too much, that we end up doing the least, even when our bodies are craving for richness and depth, and enjoyment. And I don't know, I think we could all do with a little more when it comes to pleasure. I think we could all afford to raise what feels pleasurable and possible to us to 10% or 20%, or 50%. Even those of us who feel like they don't deserve or can't trust themselves with a little more. And if you're looking to be affirmed in your search for 10%, or 20%, or 50%, you're in the right place, this conversation is for you.
Today, I'm speaking with Euphemia Russell about the practice of slow pleasure, a concept of being in relationship with feeling good in our bodies, and also the title of their beautiful book, which helps folks uncover and explore their pleasure spectrum. We speak about the inseparable link between pleasure and embodiment, how we can actually experience the full depth of feeling good if we're not slowing down enough to feel our bodies. We talk about some of the ways we've been conditioned to see and think about pleasure, some of what I already mentioned today. And Euphemia shares with us some very simple, very accessible ways we can tap into the pleasure centers of our body with movement and connection.
The one thing that I'd like to sort of perk your ears to as you're listening, is I want you to notice the pacing of our conversation. Notice the pauses, the spaces we make for ourselves and each other to tune in and savor what's emerging. And maybe even notice how our pace might be inviting you to slow down a bit to linger within the spaces we're making. And notice how that is landing for you. Anytime I'm in space with Euphemia, I feel a gentle invitation from them to move slower, to tune into the soft animal of my body. To really pause and listen and feel myself while I'm feeling them in space with me. And I hope that if this feels resonant with you, their presence, and their message is an offering of slowness, and softening for you.
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Euphemia, my friend, welcome to Sensual Self.
Euphemia Russell
It's a pleasure and honor to be here. Thank you for inviting me.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, I'm so excited to speak to you to highlight you to talk about your book. I wondered, actually, I didn't plan on doing this. But it's coming up. Would you mind introducing yourself to everybody?
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, I'd love to. I just want to give context. As I introduce myself, I'm looking out to the mountains and the trees right now. And it feels I feel like I'm speaking to all of you. And also I'm speaking to the mountains and that's really sweet.
Ev'Yan Whitney
That's beautiful.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah. So my, the way I describe my work is I call myself a full spectrum pleasure coach. And that has been many years in the making to come to that place. And I can speak to that more in our conversation. But that is currently how I refer to myself and how I share myself with the world. And then I suppose the other part that is a much newer part is being able to refer to myself as a best selling author of Slow Pleasure.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yes. I'm like wiggling my fingers up to the sky as I say that yes.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, so that's a pretty cool combo.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is. Anything else you want to add? I realized I just like vocalized and maybe broke here. I was just so excited to hear Best Selling Author after your name. It was really it was really nice.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, it still tickles me. I'm like, huh, cool. Wow, honestly didn't even think about that being a possibility. So love that. Um, I mean I am a very dynamic, multifaceted person. But the way that I share my work, I think that the full spectrum pleasure coach really speaks to the spectrum and the space that I create with clients and how I share my work with the world. So I'm gonna leave it at that.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Beautiful, thank you. One of my favorite things about your Euphemia is your way of being able to embody what it means to be pleasure centered. And I imagine that folks who are meeting you for the first time, whether that is in a digital space or in person can pick up on that as well. There's just something about the way that you hold and carry your body. That is both an invitation to me to tap more deeply into my own pleasure and into my own body, and also are a reflection of the pleasure that's always circling around us or the pleasure potential that's always circling around us. And, yeah, I'm just sitting here thinking about the many experiences that we've had to share space with each other. And how beautiful it's been for me to have this pleasure centeredness mirrored back to me, like you really sort of give me and I'm sure certain other folks permission to access what it really means to be embodied in your pleasure. And I feel like that's a really big gift, not just like a gift that you give us, but also a gift that you hold and carry, because we hear so much in our culture, especially now, about pleasure, pleasure centeredness, prioritize your pleasure, take your pleasure, seriously. And like, beautiful, right, like, I love that these conversations are coming to the fore and are becoming much more accessible. But I'm really in this space as I am understanding who I am as a pleasure centered being of not wanting to sort of intellectualize pleasure to think about pleasure, to make goal oriented pleasure decisions from the mind. But more so like dropping it into the body. And I feel that your presence, the work that you do, this beautiful offering of your book, Slow Pleasure, like, gives us all permission to access that and reminds us that that is accessible. So thank you, thank you for the work that you do.
Euphemia Russell
Thank you, that's such a beautiful reflection and means a huge amount coming from you. And, yeah, it's a pleasure and honor to be in relationship with you and for us to feel the mutuality of our pleasure and the encouragement of that when we are together to be able to, I see pleasure, like a spiral, where we build on it with practices and it becomes and folds back on itself and, and creates more possibilities and more choices. And I think being able to practice and being practiced with yourself and remember allows that, and that and that's kind of the essence of slow pleasure. It's not something that we learn, I talk about pleasure and somatics as something that we remember, rather than something that we learn, and to be able to be in moments to pause and listen to our bodies and trust our bodies and to then remember the possibilities. That, in essence, to me is what slow pleasure is in my building like a spiral of possibilities that is creating like a foundation of practices. And to be able to do that with you in person in our friendship is such a gift. And I think that the more that we can create a pleasure centered world. And that doesn't mean like hedonism and frivolousness and our current concepts of pleasure, but really, as you were saying, how do we listen to our bodies more and let them guide us and to trust our desires to take us to where we need to be individually, and also collectively. And I think that our friendship is like a for want of a better word, like a fractal of that, and that's, that's a pleasure.
Ev'Yan Whitney
The feeling is mutual, my friend. I don't know why, but that made me very weepy. I'm just like really moved by that. Thank you. Thank you for sharing that.
Euphemia Russell
Same goes when you're sharing your reflection, I was like…
Ev'Yan Whitney
well, let's, let's let's get started by just like asking you, you know, full spectrum pleasure coach, how do you define pleasure? I'm really curious to hear your definition of that.
Euphemia Russell
In the most basic sense, I think it's anything that brings us state of enjoyment. And that can be mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. And that that's kind of the basis of it. But something that I explored a lot in slow pleasure is that often we can be going through the motions of something pleasurable. Say, for example, a really simple example of that is eating something delicious, something that we like, and that we've been looking forward to or anticipating, and we can be in a pleasurable state. But it's nearly... what's the word? It's like a surface level pleasure. And so something that I really explored in Slow Pleasure is the power of savoring, which is where I feel as though you find pleasure in feeling pleasure. And I think that that is just... that is the beauty of pleasure is that when we tend to it, we realize how much depth and how many possibilities there are, not in an overwhelming way, like, 'Oh, God, I'm just getting started'. But oh, my gosh, as you were saying, like pleasure potential is vast, and limitless. And there are pleasures beyond us that we don't even yet know. And so I suppose that I give you a simple answer of what pleasure is. And there's also like an emerging answer to that question that is gestate stating within me, because it feels like that's just the beginning of how we describe it.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I feel that I feel like our culture has really distorted and even maybe, like, imposed upon us this idea that like pleasure, is one particular way, like very one dimensional. Yeah, I think you were kind of picking up on that with, you know, talking about like, not hedonistic, not frivolous, like that's, that is what our culture has taught all of us about pleasure that it is irresponsible. That if you give in to pleasure that you are going to, you know, become a blob on the couch, with Oreo crumbs all over your chest, you know, which, like, Hey, I'm all about that, like, if that feels good. But I love what you're talking about here like this deeper wellspring of pleasure that we can access that like, I feel our culture is like, only sort of scooping the surface and has told us that that's what pleasure is. But what you're talking about is like, like, deep into your bones kind of pleasure, like I loved what you were talking about, about how a lot of us will experience pleasure, or have pleasurable experiences, but we're not actually feeling them. Like we're not actually savoring them. And what a gift it is to remember that like, oh, yeah, like, all I have to do is slow down and experience the sensation of what it is I'm doing that is giving me joy. And that that is like a deeper expression of pleasure. And you're right, like it's, this is only just the beginning. I mean, I even feel this with my own work as I as I explore the nuances of pleasure and the intersections of pleasure and embodiment and sexuality and gender identity. How... yeah... pleasure, like, I am only just beginning to understand the power of that and like how, how my own pleasure, takes shape and takes up space. So yeah, I appreciate that definition. It feels it feels really accessible as well.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah. I have nearly... So to give a little, because I think you and I have had very different journeys, but kind of similar threads, where both of us started more focusing on sexual pleasure, as I understand and correct me if I'm wrong,
Ev'Yan Whitney
No, you're 100% right.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah. And I started there. And I speak to my own experience, which was that I saw that sexual pleasure was like the backdoor into a vast universe of pleasure. And in a way, it was like a beautiful shortcut and simplification, to be able to have a taste of what pleasure feels like. And then as I explored that more, and I held other people in that space, I realized that pleasure was available to us in every single moment. And actually, that, you know, you talk a lot about sensuality, I talk, I suppose, in in a way, the way I frame it is more like everyday pleasure. But I think it's the same thing.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah.
Euphemia Russell
I think we're talking to the same thing and using different words. And then it's so beautiful to see how both of us have come to somatics as well as a way to deepen that sense of pleasure, and seeing ourselves as a whole. And the pleasure can feed into all parts of that as well. And so what I have created as like the core values and core desires for my clients is aliveness and nourishing connection. And I see that pleasure is a very direct path to aliveness. And I see that embodiment is a really direct path to nourishing connection. And I mean that to our own bodies, to each other, to all beings, and I have an animist way of seeing the world. So when I say beings, I mean, the mountains, the rivers, the trees, the wasps, the rocks, all of them, how we have a nourishing connection to ourselves, and therefore, an extension to everything around us. And that is where I've come to in how I hold space for pleasure. So I'm like, Oh, my gosh, we could spend this whole podcast was talking about this first question, not in an intellectual way, but in like a deep feeling way of oh, my gosh, when we listen, we go deeper. We live deeper and deeper and deeper in our bodies, and therefore in more connection to the world around us.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I love that you brought somatics into this conversation. It's a beautiful segue into something that I wanted to ask about, you know, this relationship between pleasure and embodiment. And I want to say like, I use the word embodiment, because I mean, I love the word somatics, but I think a lot of people don't really know what that means as much as like I think intuitively we can kind of get a sense of what it means to be embodied, or what the act of embodiment looks like. And you kind of already answered this question already, you know, talking about aliveness and nourishment. But I'm curious why you think, pleasure and embodiment, pleasure and somatics. work so well together, like you can't have one without the other.
Euphemia Russell
In this simplest way... this is going to sound grand, and maybe also simultaneously an oversimplification. But I truly do believe that we are here and exist to feel good and be in harmony, and to learn how to keep coming back to feeling good, and how to keep coming back to feeling in harmony. And we've lost our way in both and we're coming back to them. And that pleasure, and aliveness... pleasure is such a direct service to how we feel the most alive in each moment. And to remember what it can feel like to live in harmony and feel good at the same time. So I think that's getting slightly on the edge of philosophical but that is what I sit with when I feel in my daily practices when I connect to use the words well spring, if that very much is an element of my connection to what is beyond me and my connection to the earth, I have have and tend to my wellspring. And when I connect to that, that is what I feel is that we deserve and are here to feel good and to be in harmony. And that somatics is just such a beautiful framing and practice and tools for remembering that we are whole. And so is the world around us and that we are interconnected.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, I was having this moment because I'm thinking of listeners, or maybe even people who don't listen to this podcast, I don't know if I would ever have anyone who listens to this podcast who would be like, "why does pleasure matter? Like y'all keep talking about pleasure, pleasure, pleasure? What is the purpose?" I started like to think about like, Oh, can we speak to this person, but now I'm realizing maybe this person doesn't, doesn't even listen, but let's pretend like this person does. And I mean, I think you just very beautifully answered that question through, you know, exploring the connection, the synergy between pleasure and embodiment. Like, I think a lot of folks have such a negative connotation, with the word pleasure, or just not a positive one, maybe it's not negative, but it's not positive. And the idea that pleasure, first and foremost is about your birthright, which is feeling good in your own body, and being connected to the world. Your people. Your body. Your self. That, to me is the point. And I agree with you, I actually, I've said this before, and—
Euphemia Russell
—and you'll say it again.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, I've said this before, especially when I'm teaching or like I'm talking to, I don't know, people who are not in this world that we're immersed in, which is pleasure and sensuality and embodiment. You know, they'll kind of asked me this question of like, "Yeah, so pleasure. That's cool. Like, why is this important to you? Like, why do you feel like people need to explore pleasure and prioritize pleasure and dive into it as a practice?" And I say the same thing, which is like, I fundamentally believe that we have been put on this earth to feel good. Like, maybe, maybe there are people out there who don't see it that way. I certainly know that I've been raised in a world and within certain religious institutions that have taught me out of that. But I am reclaiming this, this declaration of like, I have been put on this earth, in this body that can feel and sense and experience and explore for the purpose of feeling good. And it is my job, my responsibility to make sure that everything around me as much as I possibly can, can hold that. Can accentuate that. And so I love, I love that we we have a lot of the same philosophies, we have a lot of the same embodiments when it comes to this work, and yeah, it's just such a joy and such a pleasure to find kinship there. You know?
Euphemia Russell
Agreed. Yeah.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah. Yeah.
Euphemia Russell
It's really good. It feels really good.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Well, let's, let's dive into your book, Slow Pleasure. I want to I want to first ask you, what inspired you to write this book? Like, what was the impetus to put something like this out into the world?
Euphemia Russell
Honestly, the publisher approached me. And I to'd and fro'd about writing a book for a while, because it's a really big commitment. And I don't see myself as a writer, that's not how I really interact with the world or share. And I decided to commit to writing it because it felt like the, because the book is very focused on a little bit of practical or philosophical understanding of something and then there's a pleasure practice or a reflection question after every subsection. So it's very much supposed to be an embodied experience, where you read it, and then you feel it, you understand it, and then you experience it. And I felt like the format of a book, particularly in a world, a digital world, that is so censored for our work with SESTA FOSTA that has made it increasingly difficult to reach the people who deserve to have this information about how to feel connected and to feel good in themselves. And so that was the kind of final decision or final element that made me commit to writing a book. Because I thought, this book can outlive me, this book can outreach me, this book can reach the people that deserve to have this information. And that I hope that it's useful, that I hope that, you know, I read my book, I come back to my book all the time, because it's not things that as I said, it's not that we master pleasure or that we learn something, and then it's a one and done. It's a coming back to and remembering again and again, and feeling the nuance every time.
So I also wrote this book for me, you know, I have it on hand for me to come back to and be like, oh, yeah, what's important? How do I feel? What does that reveal? And that it came, it was born in a time where I was doing workshops, and series and courses on what I was calling slow pleasure. And that was my foray into trying to communicate to people the process that I have I explore in the book, which is how to pause and slow pleasure is not, you know, de institutionalizing yourself and disappearing into the woods as lovely is that is too. It's how can we be in the moment? How can we have the most minute pleasure in the most mundane moments, and to be able to remember to pause and listen, and trust and feel and invite in pleasure and savor pleasure in each moment when we remember. And so this was, this book is a way for me to try to explain to people, hey, pleasure is beyond sex. And embodiment is a useful part of that. This embodiment is also a very useful coping strategy. Like I really talk about all of the possibilities there. Because I think often we can become overly focused on how important the body is and forget the mind or overly focused on embodiment, and disregard the importance of disembodiment, which is to say, all of that is part of the spectrum of choices. And so I just, my attempt was to take people through this book, and practices and experiences for them to come deeper into themselves. And I've had quite a few people say to me that they've read it twice through, back to back, because they felt like they pulled back one layer. And then they came back again, to, to, to feel into the next layer of it, which I never even thought about people doing. But I think it does hold that kind of nuance, and that kind of complexity in a way that's not intimidating, hopefully, but inviting.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, your book, it is so inviting. I mean, first of all, it's fucking beautiful. It is gorgeous. I mean, I remember the first time I saw your book, I had the pleasure of like, being in your home and you gave me a glimpse, and I was like, Oh, my God, like, my breath was taken away. And I I'm so glad that you had some control, or at least some alignment with your publisher to create a book that creates an experience of exploration of pleasure. Because that's so important. You know, I was thinking about that with my own book about how like, I want to make sure that the book feels good in your hands, you know, like, it has a good weight to it, but it's not too heavy. It's got a good size to it, but it's not too bulky. And I feel like your book not only is it just like beautiful to hold not only does it feel soft to the touch, I mean, it's it's just... it is filled with practices and questions and permission slips for folks to really dive in to exploring and being curious about their own pleasure. I feel like it's, it's a manual really, of what it means to connect to your pleasure and identify your unique expression of that because I think that that's another piece to a lot of this pleasure talk is that there's there's a lot of stuff out there that saying, you know, pleasure should look a specific way or this is how you do pleasure you buy this thing or you do this particular practice. And what I love about your book is that you're really giving people permission to explore the nuances and the intricacies and complexities of their own pleasurable experiences, while like not leaving them out to pasture, like you're a really good guide for them. For us, for me, as I'm, as I'm reading your book, and I'm just I'm so grateful for that. And I'm grateful for just how accessible you make pleasure, how it feels like, oh, at any time, at any place, in any frame of mind, no matter what my body is doing, or what sort of environment I'm in, I can come back to myself. I can come back to the feeling and sensation of feeling good. And yeah, slow pleasure is, is beautiful. I actually wanted to ask you to define slow pleasure. I have a sense of what that means. You know, you've touched on it a few times in this conversation, but yeah, what does it mean to slow pleasure, to be in slow pleasure?
Euphemia Russell
First of all thank you for your gushing and your crushing.
Ev'Yan Whitney
It is literally my pleasure.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, I'm like, oh, it's really lovely. So thank you. And I just want to say that other than my journal and my own book, your book is the only book that lives on my altar. So it's in good company.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Ah, yes, we joke podcast listeners that our our books are like besties, who, like go on vacations together. Because that's exactly what's happening.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, yeah, they just fit together. So well. It's really beautiful.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, slow pleasure. The way that I see it is more as a practice than something that's defined. So as I've been saying already, and as you alluded to, I see that it is a practice with different steps for us to come to a place of savoring, and to truly be with pleasure, choices, and possibilities. And to say that practice again, it's the pausing, or just even remembering to pause, even if it's the most micro moment, even if it's like 10 seconds. And it's listening to our bodies and saying, 'Hey, sensations, you're our first language, you're the first language I ever knew'. 'What do you want me to hear? What do you want me to understand? What are you trying to say?' And our sensations live in the present moment. And sometimes that can be misleading because it thinks, 'oh, danger'. And actually, we can say, 'hey, actually, we're not. But thank you for trying to keep us safe'. But there's oftentimes when our body is saying, 'hey, pleasure'. And we're like do-do-doo and not even aware of the possibilities. And so pausing and listening, and trusting what we hear, trusting our desires, and inviting in those choices that we've now become aware of. And then savoring them. And all of that can happen in 10 seconds. It doesn't have to be, hey, take a day off, work and walk slowly through the forest for eight hours and kiss every mushroom that you see and hug every tree and fondle every leaf. Like, it can be what is available to me? how can I bring 10% more pleasure into this moment? And so that slowness, people often think as like, infinite time, but I see it as like an elongated moment. And that when we are in pleasure and to attune to pleasure and attuned to a sense of embodiment, time does elongate.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, I really appreciate this reflection of of slowness. And what's coming up for me is how it's nearly impossible to experience the saver the depth of pleasure without slowing down. Like I can't think of A time where I have experienced a pleasurable moment, like full body pleasure, not just like, Oh, that was good goodbye, like not just a blip, but like a full body pleasurable moment, and it didn't require me to pause, to close my eyes, to take a deep inhale into my belly, like, to feel into, like, the wiggle of my body as I'm enjoying something or, you know, like it really... Yeah, I just, I feel that, like, pleasure has to be slow. And I think that's why it's so hard for people to, to get to those depths, because we're moving so fast all of the time. And our world doesn't really encourage us to slow down, it actually encourages us to speed up and to do things, you know, like five things at once. And, yeah, it's I, I feel, I feel like compelled to just speak to like, you know, you and I are in this work. We do this day in, day out, we've written books about it, we've taught workshops about it. And so there's a, there's an ease with which we're able to come to these practices, and also speak to them, but it's like, it's fucking hard. Like I, I'll be the first one, I'll raise my hand and be the first one to admit that, like, I work within these realms of pleasure. And it's, it's still very difficult for me to, to find those moments to slow down because of the conditioning that I've been given around the importance of being a useful citizen, and speeding up and caretaking other people and not listening to my own body. So I just like, I really want to put that into the conversation that like, yes, we're talking about this with a lot of ease. But this is really difficult to do. It's really hard to do.
Euphemia Russell
That's one of the many things I admire about you is you're always so quick to be real about the challenges, and not in a dissuading way or like, oh my gosh, this is going to be so hard way but just in a hey, we're humans, and existence is messy. And we're trying and we're finding our way. And that's part of the beauty too. And I really love that because I feel like often the marketing around pleasure can be very seductive and like you're always in your power and you're always like, perfectly alive and sensual and as like hell fucking No, I was like, Oh, that slow. Oh, shit. That thing that I think's important that I haven't even tended to in however long. And I I'm feeling that actually a lot right now my mom is visiting from Australia. I live on Tom Ferland, also known as Los Angeles, for people who are listening, and that my mom is one of the many people who kind of the main person in many ways who has reminded me to slow down over the years. And to have her visit, and for me to see the ways that I have slowed my life down. And that I am in daily practice of that, and the space that I carve out, while also trying to find ways to be bounded in the way that I give her my presence and time and to not rush around like a headless chicken, it's really it's super interesting, seeing myself, you know, my younger self, and come back up in those kinds of dynamics and then metabolizing those old patterns too. So I'm like, Oh my gosh, it's forever, it's forever a process. We're forever in practice. And it is absolutely never mastered.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I really appreciate you saying that it's never mastered. Like, it's, it's humbling for me, you know, like, I think there's, there's parts of me that's like, I've been doing this type of work for 12 years, you know, really diving into pleasure and embodiment for the last handful. And I'm going to hit a period where it's going to be so much easier, you know, and like the reality is like, Yes, I think I have a literacy and there's an accessibility for me to be able to reach for these practices because I I'm in practice with them so much and so often but yeah, it's, it's it's almost kind of a relief, actually, to feel like, I'm never I'm never going to be perfect at this. I'm never going to reach the bottom of my capacity to understand what it means to be pleasurable, pleasure-full, pleasure centered. Because every single day is a different day. And where I'm at today with my pleasure is going to be very different than where I am tomorrow with my pleasure and my body. And this conversation is making me think about something, you know, when I started getting into somatics, I also felt that real connection to pleasure, like Oh, somatics equals pleasure. And what I'm realizing as I, as I go deeper into this work as I go deeper into training and practice, personally, is that somatics isn't about feeling good. It's about making space to feel everything. Like, even
Euphemia Russell
shit.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, even just shit. Like even tension, even cramping, even pulling something in your back. Like it really, it really paves the way, that, I really feel this with pleasure, too, I feel that that the practice of pleasure really paves the way of not just feeling good, but of feeling everything else, you know, it can really create this beautiful contrast of like, oh, that's what an enthusiastic yes feels like in my body. So now I know what and enthusiastic no feels like, or I know what it feels like to feel like this sense of yum to like, have my body undulate with pleasure. And that is a really great contrast to like this feeling of yuck, or this feeling of that's not for me. And I want us all to be thinking about that, like the ways that pleasure creates space to not just feel good, but to feel everything and how uncomfortable that can be, you know?
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, I used to be mindful of saying to people, like when you pull on the thread of pleasure, you pull on the whole tapestry of life, like it's all interconnected. And people will be like, Oh, shit, does that mean, I have to feel everything else? And you're like, Yeah, you can't really cherry pick, like, I want to feel more this but not more that like, it doesn't happen that way. And something that has been useful for me personally to see is that, as we spoke about before, like disembodiment is super useful and pacing, those practices in somatics, like pendulating in and out of something, and doing at a pace or titration in small doses, like it doesn't have to be all or nothing. That's right, which I think we can totally see when it comes to pleasure or processes. And that also, I used to be scared of being like, oh, fuck, if I feel my pleasure, does that mean that I won't be able to even shift away from feeling more of the things that I'm not ready to feel or the things that are too much right now. And I found that it actually allowed me more choice, rather than defaulting to a particular way, it allowed me more choice of how to feel. But it also allowed me to see that it would move through, whatever it was the experience the emotion. And that it could just wash over me and that actually. And, of course, this is not the case for everyone in every moment. But that when we allow when we soften, and when we open in our bodies, physically, we allow things to actually move through us, like we are a river, you know, they, it just flows through. And that when we clench, and when we shut down, and those things can happen when we feel guilt, or shame, or pain or stress, you know, those barriers are all very real. And they're all very much a part of life. And also, it's how can we tend to them, so that we can once again soften and open into the capacity that we have. And to see that it isn't all or nothing like oh my gosh, I can feel all the pleasure I want in my left hand. Yet my right hand is full of pain right now. Or oh, I can feel so much pleasure in my back body. But I'm feeling so tense and locked in by stress in my front body. And somatics just allow me to see more and more that we get to feel but it doesn't mean we get more choice of feeling and being and how we are, rather than oh my gosh, I'm just letting the floodgates open and suddenly everything's happening at once and it's too much because that's what I think people assume is that, oh, if I let more pleasure, then I let everything and then it will just come at me. And it will be too much and I won't know how to manage, right. So I want to name that as part of my own experience of seeing that, because otherwise it can feel kind of intimidating.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I'm glad that you mentioned that. It's a dance, you know, like, it's finding your own pace with it. And also just allowing yourself to, to take your time in this discovery, you know, like, I, I'm wondering if there's people out there who are listening now, or even just like, you know, people who have been seduced by the shiny marketing of pleasure, who feel like, I got to do it now. And I gotta get all the things and I gotta make a practice. And I gotta like, commit to it. And like, I'm even wanting to just encourage folks to like, as they're wrapping their brains around pleasure as a practice, to not rush to try to figure it out, but to like, take your time, and really settle into what it means to feel good. And I think this would be a perfect way to like, kind of close our conversation by asking you to share some practices for us that are simple that can get us on this track of slowing down, listening, and accessing and resourcing pleasure as a space to connect with ourselves and the world around us. So maybe there's a favorite practice of yours from your book or something that you're practicing with right now, personally.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, I have a collection of favorites. As I said, I really, I deeply believe in what I call like micro dosing pleasure. And seeing, as I was saying before, like, how can you have the most minute amount of pleasure in the most mundane moments, like that's the practice. And so the practices that I want to share, speak to that. And one is what I shared actually earlier, but it feels so important that I want to mention it again, which is pausing to ask yourself, how can I bring 10% more pleasure into this moment, or this action? And that whatever you're doing, you infuse pleasure with it, that we don't see pleasure is something that we delay or wait for. And that that framing can be Oh, pleasure is actually really a fuel for each moment in our life, rather than a reward. And that small practice can really reorient us to being Oh, wow, I can feel pleasure in every moment. Pleasure actually fuels me. And that small drip again and again, completely reshapes me and my pleasure body and my relationship to pleasure. And, oh, which do I pick, there's probably four that I would love to say, I think shaking is just always good. If you have the mobility and the ability, even doing a little shimmy of the shoulders, a shaker, the hips, and shake of the head, horse lips, like any of that helps you to just metabolize. And to get out of that more frozen stuck feeling that can come with cortisol or adrenaline or stress or fright or whatever it might be as like a dog who after you scare them, they go move, and then walk off. And that just is amazing how five seconds of that completely resets you to be able to come back to yourself. And then if you want to extend that it's just free movement. So I do just intuitive movement, even if it's for one minute, I'll do it at the start of every meeting, even if it's just for 10 seconds. The start of my day, whenever I remember, I just move my body. And that allows me to remember the choices that I have even for movement, let alone pleasure, maybe it's ease. It's just how do I want to feel good in this moment? What are my choices and be able to move our bodies in different ways other than just forward and in line allows us to feel more possibility and well choice. So yeah, I'll leave it at that. I have a few other practices that I just love to offer people because they are so simple and so effective. And that's I think the most important thing is that pleasure can be simple. Pleasure can be easeful. It doesn't have to be complicated, long, involved, or even involve anyone else but yourself. And to just keep it really fucking simple. And that is actually where the potency is.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yes. Well, like, honestly, if anybody is looking for more practices, they should just go and get your book because it's got everything in it to begin your own pleasure journey to create some pleasure, curiosity and connection to your body. And yeah, tell tell people where they can find your book.
Euphemia Russell
So it's, it's available in US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, UK, and Germany. But you can find them it all through my website, if you're unsure. I've got some key sellers for each country. So my website is my name, which is EuphemiaRussell.com. slightly complicated name to spell, I won't, I won't deny it.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I'll put it in the show notes.
Euphemia Russell
I'm like a blessing and a burden sometimes. Um, but yeah, otherwise, just typing slow pleasure and Euphemia into the internet. And I share alternatives to Amazon for each country, if that's the kind of the main seller. Unfortunately, there's no audio book at this stage. But I'm really advocating for that. Particularly for neurodivergent folks that I really, I really want to be able to make it more accessible to them. But you can get the e-reader and then get the e-reader to speak it out loud as an alternative.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Oh, beautiful. Yes. Accessibility. I love that. I love that. I'm excited to hear that. Maybe there's an audio book version coming soon. That would be really lovely.
Euphemia Russell
Yeah, I'm, I'm following up with my publisher being like, "hey, you know how you said you were going to do that thing? You want to do it?"
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yes, it would be so lovely and juicy to like, hear you in our ears talking about pleasure and being in your body. And where else can people find you if they want to follow your work and support you?
Euphemia Russell
Um, so my website, Instagram, which is Euphemia.Russell. And then TikTok, which is @Euphemia. I've been sharing more there from I'm getting hounded by people being like, you got to be on there, you got to share. So I've created lots of things and practices have lots of everyday pleasure practices that I've created. And I'm sharing there slowly. So yeah, those are my corners of the internet.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Fantastic. Thank you so much, Euphemia, for coming on the show for talking about pleasure, so beautifully and comprehensively. Thank you for the space that you take up. And that you also invite other folks to take up when it comes to being in their bodies and prioritizing their pleasure. I'm so honored to call you a friend. I'm so honored to be a colleague within this work with you. And yeah, I can't wait for us to see each other IRL soon.
Euphemia Russell
Thank you so much for your love and support and admiration and it's mutual.
. . .
Ev'Yan Whitney
What a joy, what a pleasure, a literal pleasure that conversation was. And what a gift to be given gentle nudges, to center our pleasure to prioritize feeling good and ourselves and our bodies. Big, big, big love to Euphemia for their sweetness and softness. And please go get a copy of their book, Slow Pleasure. It is a gorgeous read and truly has everything you need to begin a pleasure practice for yourself. And you can find that wherever you find books.
You know, there was something that Euphemia said earlier that pleasure is more than a reward. Pleasure is fuel. And there were so many things that Euphemia share today so many practices and little gems of wisdom to wrap our bodies and minds around. But that live But, you know, this idea of pleasure being more than a reward pleasure as fuel, it's sticking with me the most right now, because the idea of pleasure as fuel is just gorgeous, and a really beautiful reframe for a lot of the messaging we've been given about pleasure. I mean, I can feel in my own body an expansion around pleasure through a lens of it being a form of sustenance, and nourishment that doesn't just help me feel good, but helps me tap into harmonizing with myself and the world around me. Not just my loved ones and friends, but the trees and the flowers and the earth and the bees. And what a concept, right? How wonderful to be reminded that pleasure is a medium for connection, not just excess. That pleasure can be a way to come closer to ourselves, not just a way to escape ourselves. That pleasure can be communal, not just a solitary experience.
Yeah, I don't know if I have more to share than that. Honestly, I think I just want to let this conversation, continue to settle into my body a bit, and see what other insights emerge. And I want to invite you to do the same.
I usually share a practice at the end of each episode based on what we dove into that day. And Euphemia actually shared some practices at the end that I encourage you to take on board and feel into if you want to do something. But for me, I kind of just want to be. I kind of just want to be in quiet reflection about what came up during this conversation. And see what else arises in my awareness when it comes to my relationship with pleasure when it comes to the way pleasure feels in my body. And to be honest, I'm in it right now, like this very moment. That conversation is giving me pleasure sensations in this moment. And I want to savor that. I'm going to flow with that. I want to explore the edges of that. Because pleasure is a feeling and I want to feel the full spectrum of that.
So that's what I'm going to be doing after this. Whatever pleasurable things you end up doing, inspired by this conversation with Euphemia I hope you do it with a pace that connects you deeper to the wellspring, the birthright that is feeling good in your body.
. . .
Sensual Self is created and hosted by me, Ev’Yan Whitney. It is edited by myself and Tribble. Music is by Melodiesinfonie from his song called ‘Just Healing.’
For show notes, transcripts, and resources for your sensuality, go to evyanwhitney.com/podcast. You can also follow the show on Instagram @sensual.self.
As for me, I’m on Instagram at @evyan.whitney, and you can check out evyanwhitney.com to find out more about me and my work.
Also check out my book Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices For Getting in Touch With Your Body. You can find that wherever you find books.
Thanks so much for being here and I’ll see you in the next one.