Episode 62: Reflections & Feelings About 2021
Ev'Yan's in a reflective mood as the year comes to a close and in this surprise bonus episode, she sits down to process some of the highs, the lows, the feelings, and the pleasures they experienced in 2021.
The full transcript of this episode is below.
Mentioned in this episode:
Ev’Yan’s favorite music: Mndsgn and Pharoah Sanders/Floating Points
Transcription:
*Big thanks to Dame for sponsoring this episode. Use code EVYAN10 for 10% off your purchase!
So here we are, at the very end of 2021. Maybe you’ve already started to set goals for 2022. I know I have, and one of them is to experience more pleasure in the new year.
Now, pleasure isn’t just about having sex. It’s about feeling good in your body. But, you know, sex is pleasurable for me and I want to keep feeling good in my sex life in 2022.
If you have that same desire, check out Dame. Dame makes exceptional tools designed for your sexual wellness and they’ve got something for everyone and every body. I’ve been loving exploring their Fin vibe. It’s got a nice buzz and fits perfectly in my fingers.
If you want to explore your pleasure, go to dameproducts.com and use my code EVYAN10 for 10% off. And here’s to 2022 being a more pleasurable year for us all.
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Hey, welcome to Sensual Self. I'm Ev'Yan Whitney. And this is a space for you to slow down, tune in, heal and feel the sensations and pleasures of your sensual body. Thank you for being here.
Hello, everybody. How are you today? I am sitting here in my husband's office. It is raining buckets outside, so you can probably hear that through the microphone. I wanted to come on and pop into your ears today to talk about a couple of things. I'm feeling in a very reflective cozy mood. I think it's because of the weather. And yeah, you know, we're about to start a new year and I figured it would be a good time for me to come into your feed just once more before we get into 2022.
And like, can we talk about that for a second? Yo, it's about to be 2022. 2022! First of all, that feels really weird coming out of my mouth. And also, why does it feel like it was just yesterday that I was sitting down writing my intentions for 2021, and here we are a whole nother year is upon us? Ah, geez, I've been having a lot of feels about the passing of time recently because I just celebrated my 14th wedding anniversary a couple of days ago. And it's such a trip, I don't really think about how much time is going by on a day to day because you know, I'm in it, living my life, doing the things trying to stay sane in this frenetic, hectic, wild world we're living in. It's only when I sit down to look at photos from 14 years ago, like what I did a couple of days ago in honor of my anniversary. And that's when it really hits me like, oh, wow, 14 whole years have passed. I am old! Well, not old, but you know what I mean? I'm not 20 anymore. And I'm noticing all the ways my face has changed in those years and also the things that have stayed the same. Like, I still don't have a fat ass, even though I've tried for years to grow one organically.
Oh, man! Anyway, anyway, what I'm trying to say in a long-winded way is that time is weird. And what a trip it is to be on the brink of a whole new year. Speaking of time, I've been reflecting a lot on 2021 as a whole these past few days. And I've been thinking about everything that has transpired this year. There are a lot of high highs for me like reuniting with my partner after a year apart coming out as asexual which actually was really joyful for me I know that doesn't sound like it would be but coming out as ace was pretty joyful. Another high high, getting to see my mom and sister in person after nearly two years of not seeing them because of COVID and you know distance. Oh and also my book was released this year. That was a massive high high and something I will never forget, I think that's actually what made 2021 feel so special because of having that experience.
There are also some very low lows. I lost my dog of 15 years this year, and also my last living grandparent. I was harmed by some folks in the wellness community that really rocked my world. And I also went through a really traumatic friendship breakup that I'm still processing and healing from. There's a lot that I haven't totally processed about 2021, partially because those low lows took up a lot of space in my mind and my body. But also because so much happened this year. And things are moving really, really fast. I've been really wanting to sit down and walk down memory lane, and sort through all of the events and complexities of 2021. And not just the hard stuff, I feel like those things get a lot of my focus already. I want to talk about some lighter stuff, you know, like, I want to talk about my favorite memories, my favorite moments, the things that gave me a lot of joy this year, the ways I surprised myself this year.
And that's actually why I'm popping in your feet today. I know, typically this isn't the week or the day that I come out with a new episode. But I wanted to share some of my 2021 reflections with you.
A little backstory each year, for the last eight years or so I released a digital workbook called Review, Reflect, Release. It is filled with prompts to help us look back, look through and let go of 2021 so we can come into 2022 with clarity and intention. And I've gone through this workbook and I've pulled a handful of questions from the book so that I can reflect with you in real-time. I picked these prompts really randomly, and my answers are going to be on the fly as I read them. So please forgive me if I say anything weird or goofy in the next few minutes.
Okay, so first question. Name five words to describe your relationship with your body this year. I'm unthawing, softening, honoring, decolonizing, and becoming. Yeah, those are my five words.
Okay, next question. How I pleasured my body this year. Well, gosh, there are so many ways I pleasured my body. I ate a lot of pastries this year. I pleasured my body also by giving it more breath. This year, I did a breathwork training course and it was really transformational. Not just because it helped me become I think a better facilitator in different ways. But it helped connect me to my body and my breath in ways that I just haven't been. And that connection was really pleasurable for me. So, oh, my gosh, there's so much more, but I will stop there. Those are the ways that I pleasured my body this year.
My favorite meal of 2021 Oh, man, I love cooking. It's one of my favorite things to do. It's a really great way for me to connect to my sensual body. So I cooked a lot of really good meals this year. But I'm not going to give myself that credit. I'm actually going to give the credit to Happy Family. It's this restaurant in Montebello, California. They make these really beautiful, yummy, delicious traditional dishes that, you know, you would find in any Chinese restaurant. But they're all vegan, they're all vegetarian. So like, you can get beef of broccoli and the beef is like tofu tea and it tastes—oh my god, it tastes so good. I don't know what they do over there, but like, the texture, the flavors, the seasonings. I think we've eaten there like four times already within the last couple of months. We go there a lot. It's so delicious. So yeah, that has been my favorite meal. I actually just had that yesterday as leftovers from my anniversary. So there's that.
A song I couldn't stop playing in 2021. Man, I listened to a lot of music this year. I can't I can't think of like, any particular songs but I can name some albums that were on heavy rotation for me. First one that comes to mind is Rare Pleasure by Mndsgn. Love him, love his music. This album was incredible. Really, really loved. I'm still really listening to Tame Impala’s latest album. We saw them in concert a few months ago, and that was really fun. Let's see who else was I playing? You know, I was playing a lot of like, spiritual jazz. There was this period in the 70s where the jazz that they were coming out with back then was just so transcendental. And man, it was incredible. Like I'm thinking about Lonnie Liston Smith, I'm thinking about Pharoah Sanders, Alice Coltrane, Yusef Lateef, like these folks that just play this music from this place of, I don't know, just like being divinely connected to ancestors and the divine and like the deep core of the Earth, I don't know, I've just, anytime I'm in a space of needing to get back into my body or turn off my brain, Iput on some of that music.
Actually, speaking of, Pharoah Sanders came out with a really great album this year. He partnered with Floating Points and oh my god, listen to the album, please listen to that album. And like, don't pick a song. Actually put the whole album on and just like put it in your ears and just have that be the only thing that you experience. I listened to that album many times in the bath while I was a little high. And I had some downloads come through from my ancestors. It was really powerful. So anyway, I could talk about music forever. I love love, love music. In my previous life, I'm pretty sure I was a DJ if I wasn't actually a musician. So I will stop there. I will stop there.
Okay, my favorite trip in 2021. My favorite was this trip that I took to Joshua Tree by myself. I did a solo trip. I stayed there for three nights. And it was magical. It was magical. I love traveling alone. Folks who have listened to the podcast and know that it is through traveling alone that I got this itch to want to experiment with living apart from my partner. And yeah, that trip was the first time that I had been by myself without anyone else around since he moved in. So it was really lovely. I really enjoy being out in the desert. There's something very special about Joshua Tree for me, particularly because you know, I grew up in the desert. So it lights up a lot of sensory pleasures and memories for me. So yeah, that was my favorite. That was my favorite trip.
My favorite memory of 2021. Um, gosh, there's so many. So, so many. I mean, what immediately popped into my mind was the moment that I saw my book, like the finished final version of my book for the first time, that was a special moment, I will never forget that. I was so excited and jazzed and overjoyed and overwhelmed. So that's a good memory from 2021. Another memory is the experience that I had of seeing my mom and my sister in person for the first time in two years, and just being able to embrace them. It's making me a little emotional thinking about it, because I missed them both so so much. And you know, I kind of had a rocky period with my sister over the last year. And so this was the first time that we were seeing each other in person and also the first time that we were seeing each other since we sort of reconnected after having this period of disconnection, I guess. And that was really special spending time with them. Being able to embrace them. Like I remember when I saw my mom for the first time, I just kept looking at her and being like, You're real. You're real, like I can touch you and I just remember like, holding her hand and just enjoying the laughter from my sister. And yeah, it was beautiful. So those are my favorite memories. Yeah.
My favorite podcast episode. There are so many great episodes that we put out this year! Shout out to my producer Tribble for helping make this happen. I loved the episode where I spoke with adrienne maree brown. That is definitely a massive highlight for me. I loved the conversation I had with Angela Chen about asexuality. I remember listening to that podcast episode a few times because you know, I was in the editing process and also I just really wanted to get back into that conversation because it was so good. It was so rich. Another one that I loved, loved loved was the one with Dana Lynn Nuckolls. This is my podcast. I don't even know the episode numbers. I should know. I should know by now. But I don't. But yes, the one about decolonizing gender, another fave of mine, something that I will frequently listen to, because there's just so many gems and I learned something new about myself about my gender identity every time I listen to it, so if you haven't listened to those episodes, shameless plug, please do. They're excellent. And they're a really great way to get you started on this journey of connecting to your body, connecting to your sensuality and connecting to your sexuality if that's the thing for you.
Okay, next one. Finish this sentence. I spent too much money on bucket hats. I spent way too much money on bucket hats this year. So much money. Yeah, I would say bucket hats and probably pastries. And I'm not ashamed of that. Listen, I love my bucket hat game. I'm so happy that bucket hats have come back into fashion because they're so fun. They're so fun.
Okay, next question, the things I did to cope, for better or worse. I watched way too much trashy reality television. And I'm not necessarily saying that as a bad thing. I think that it's sometimes okay to escape and dissociate a little bit from your world and the reality as long as you're doing it with intention. And there were some times when I did not do it with intention. So I watched a lot of reality television, lots of Love Island, lots of Married at First Sight Australia, my guilty pleasures. Other ways that I coped. I mean, I have a really bad habit of overworking when I'm stressed. It's a thing that I do to try to call my anxious brain. And so when I had moments of stress, anxiety, sadness, even, I just threw myself into work. And that was the way that I coped, I think through a lot of these losses and the fears that came up around those losses. And, you know, I'm just going to be honest, and say, and this is something that I've talked about on the podcast before, like, I cope by shutting down. I cope by walling myself off and closing off my emotions. And that is something that I am trying to get better about something I'm trying to soften and repattern because it's a trauma response. That is definitely all of this as a trauma response for the record.
Okay, next question. What I need to forgive myself for. Um, as a Virgo—and I know most astrological signs are very hard on themselves, but I feel like Virgos beat themselves up in a particularly harsh way. So this is a question that's always difficult for me to answer because I'm like, Am I worthy of forgiveness? The answer to that is yes, of course. But you know, you know how it is. I need to forgive myself for all the ways that I think that I fell short this year. I have very high expectations about myself, I have very high standards for excellence when it comes to myself and it's very easy for me to think about the things that I could have done better, the projects that I could have shown up for better. I feel like I need to forgive myself for that. Like, I feel like I need to let myself off the hook and give myself a break. And also just like, celebrate the ways that I showed up, even in the face of a lot of, you know, fear and wildness and like, you know, just—this year was really, it was a lot, you know what I mean? So, yeah, I need to forgive myself for that, and I need to, I need to let myself off the hook. That is a practice that I will definitely be doing more of in 2022.
And the last question, in spite of all of the challenges of 2021 I am grateful for… I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for my partner, Jonathan, who has been such a rock and an anchor for me this year as I was moving through so much change and so much excitement and growth. I am grateful for my ancestors, they really showed up for me and held it down for me this year in some big, big ways that I want them to know doesn't go unnoticed. And I'm grateful for all of you. Is that okay to say? I know that's like, really cheesy and, you know, maybe expected, but I really am. I'm really grateful for you. I'm grateful for every single person who listens to this podcast. I'm grateful for every single person who is listening to my voice right now. Yes, thank you. Thank you for all the support that you all have shown me this year, thank you for sticking with me and listening to me and supporting all the endeavors and projects that I've had. I really, really appreciate you It goes beyond words, honestly, how much it means to me. So thank you.
And thank you for letting me share a little bit of this with you. Like I said, this was very on the fly. I really wanted to take some time to reflect and yeah, thanks. Thanks for Thanks for listening. And you know what, like, I know that this is only the tip of the iceberg. I know that there are plenty more things to reflect on regarding 2021. And I'm looking forward to doing some of that reflection. And I'm looking forward to doing my end-of-the-year rituals. And some of those involve cleaning my house, refreshing my alters, a lot of journaling, and I will be burning things, I will be burning things. One of my favorite things to do is a releasing ritual, where I write down all the things I want to let go of from the year, and then I light it on fire. And listen, there's nothing more cathartic than watching all the things you want to release, burn to a crisp. I love that experience.
The rituals that I do at the end of the year, feel really special for me, because of the space I create to do it. It also feels kind of mandatory. I mean, I guess you could say I'm a little superstitious in that I feel that in order for me to step fully into the magic and splendor and healing potential of the new year, I have to review, reflect on, and release all of the old year’s junk and gunk, all of the triumphs and bright spots, and also all the things that maybe I don't want to bring with me into this new chapter. For me, it's about showing up to the New Year on purpose. And to do that I need to cut ties with the old year to make sure I'm not hanging on to anything physically, emotionally, spiritually, that could potentially inhibit that. And that's why I create my workbook Review, Reflect, Release each year so that you can be guided to make your own rituals of reflection as well.
This digital workbook has more than 60 pages of questions to help you review 2021 based on certain sections of your life, like the relationship you have with your body, the relationships you had with other people, the things you did in 2021 that you're proud of, and the things you wish never would have happened. I also have a section in there to help you grieve and mourn and rage some of the fuckshit that went on over the year. And when you have all that written down, I guide you through how to do a releasing ritual to help you literally let go and burn to ash all the things that you don't want to carry with you into the new year. There's a guided meditation, some quotes and poetry to get you inspired. I have some sections for you to make soulful intentions for 2022. I even made a playlist for you to listen to as you explore the prompts in this workbook. And my playlists are fire y'all. Like I said before, I probably was a DJ in my previous life. I love making playlists. They're so fun. And then the best part about this workbook is that you don't even have to print it. You can fill this out right on your device, on your computer, your tablet, even your phone. I love this book. I love creating it for folks. And apparently a lot of you like it too, because in the last couple of weeks as I was releasing sensual self, people were like, “Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Sensual Self seems great. But um, are you going to be releasing your year in workbook this year? Please tell me and thanks.” Like, I'm serious. I've gotten about a dozen emails and DMS from folks asking me if this was coming out again this year. I think it's gotten a little bit of a cult. following, which is kind of cool, kind of interesting.
Anyway, if you're interested in doing some end of the year reflections and explore all of the nuances and complications and celebrations of 2021, before you roll over into 2022, to check out my workbook Review, Reflect, Release. I will put the link in the show notes for that to buy.
And listen, I want to say this for the record: It is okay if all you did in 2021 was survive. It is okay if 2021 wasn't a year of accomplishments or goal achievement for you. And it's also okay if the thought of sitting down and going through these last 365 days feels off-putting. I know that for a lot of folks, these kinds of practices can create feelings of tension or dread, or overwhelm. And also, the whole Gregorian calendar system is a scam and the notion of December 31 somehow being the last day of the year is a colonized construct. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that it's totally okay if reviewing the year is not your thing.
What I will say, and what I'd like to encourage you to do if it resonates, is make a little time to acknowledge your growth and the way you existed this year. Not necessarily from a tracking your goals and achievements perspective—which by the way, my workbook is not like that, because I honestly hate that shit. But more so from a place of like, I was here and this is what I learned or what I healed or how I honored myself to get to this point. You can do this from a place of celebration, or from a neutral place. You don't have to do it at all. I just think it's really powerful to sit with yourself and process in this way. And not just process but to use the information that you gather from these reflections, to help inform the ways that you will stay in union with yourself in the following days. Because that's important. I mean, I think that's one of the reasons I love this review ritual so much. What gets uncovered from it helps paint a graphic picture of the person I was, the habits, I hold the ways I disconnect from myself. And having that picture gives me a kind of blueprint for the ways I want to move in the next year, the things that I need to change, the stuff I need to prioritize in order to feel good in my body, things like that. I don't do this kind of practice for funsies. Although it can be fun, I do it to learn about myself, and to have that knowledge guide my steps toward liberation and healing. That's why self reflection is so powerful, and why I create so many damn books about it. When we do it with intention, we get these flashes of clarity about ourselves. And that clarity can help us become more fully actualized and dismantle any aspects of ourselves that aren't in alignment.
So yeah, no pressure at all, to do any kind of year-end reviewing. But I hope that you will at least carve out some time to connect to who you were over the last year and maybe think about who you want to be sexually or sexually in the year to come.
Well, my friends, that's all I have for you today. That's actually a lot more than I wanted to share, but I'm happy about it. Thank you for listening. Thank you for allowing me in your ears today. And thank you for tuning into my work and my words each week on this podcast. I really appreciate your presence and your listenership and your support. It's such a pleasure to do this podcast for you all and I'm looking forward to the ways we'll grow and learn together and 2022 Alright y'all, I will see you in the new year. Take good care of yourselves. And we'll talk soon
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Sensual Self is created and hosted by me, Ev'Yan Whitney. It is edited by myself, and Tribble. Music is by Melodiesinfonie from his song ‘Just Healing’.
For show notes, transcripts, and resources for your sensuality, go to evyanwhitney.com/podcast. You can also follow the show on Instagram @sensual.self.
I'm on Instagram @evyan.whitney, and you can check out evyanwhitney.com to find out more about me and my work. Also, check out my book, Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices For Getting In Touch With Your Body. You can find that wherever you find books.
Thank you so much for being here. And I'll see you in the next one.