Episode 55: The Sensuality of Solitude (with Jordiana)
In this one, Ev'Yan speaks with Jordi—artist, storyteller, facilitator, author—about what it looks like to intentionally carve out time to be alone, and what you can find when you create space to be quiet and listen to yourself. They speak about moon cycles, boundaries within technology, and learning to drop into your needs, wants, and desires separate from the needs and gazes of others. Jordi also shares what their sensual rituals have been as they’re exploring this first-time experience of living alone. At the end, Ev'Yan shares a sensual practice to help you carve out some alone time with yourself.
“There’s this relationship with time that I feel isn’t prioritized with self because of how tied to survival and capitalism our time is. Time is money and I can’t pay myself to be in this bathtub or to masturbate, you know? But the payoff is an actual loving relationship with myself.” —Jordiana
Full transcript of this episode is below.
Also mentioned in this episode:
Jordi’s book, Lil Book of Potions
Jordi’s Venmo: @earthtojordi
Jordiana is a multi dimensional being of the African diaspora focussed on healing arts. Through mediums like writing, film, sonics, and wax; Jordi tells stories of ancestry, celestial lineage, self loving, and sci fantasy. Jordans work has deepened in regards to facilitating healing retreats, guiding meditation, and organizing healing justice curriculum. Visit their website and search Earth to Jordi on all platforms to keep in touch!
Connect with Jordi on Bandcamp, Patreon, Instagram, and their website.
Transcription:
Hey, welcome to Sensual Self. I'm Ev'Yan Whitney and this is a space for you to slow down, tune in, heal and feel the sensations and pleasures of your sensual body. Thank you for being here.
Hello hello hello! I am so happy to be here with you again. And I'm really excited to share another conversation with you about sensuality, sexuality, and the pleasures of your body. One of my deepest hopes is that this space becomes one that you can rely on to be a kind of deep exhale for your system, a space for you to pause and reflect on the relationship you have with your inner world and desires. And also a space that gives you a permission slip for you to find tiny moments of pleasure and sensuality, and presence in your own body. If it hasn't already, I think that this conversation with Jordi will help get you there.
Today, I am thrilled to be speaking with my friend Jordi, who if you don't know, you definitely should. They are an artist, a storyteller and a facilitator whose work focuses on the healing arts. And we had a really, really lovely conversation about ritual moon cycles, boundaries with technology, their book, and what it looks like to come home to ourselves through intentional solitude, which is something that I've been thinking about a lot.
One thing I've realized within the last year is that my ability to slow down and tune into myself centrally depends on me frequently making time to be by myself. To sort of strip away all of the distractions that come up in my life, like social media, or even being around certain people. And immersing myself in my own solitude. I find that when things are busy, it's very difficult for me to hear myself to hear the messages and needs of my body. And actually, that's something that's been coming up a lot for me lately around social media. It's like the closer I get to myself, the more I realize that social media takes me far away from myself. I found that being alone, like going on solo trips, or intentionally living apart from my husband for a year, which I talked about in episodes, 48 and 49. Those things really help me to hear myself and drop into my needs, and desires outside of the voices and gazes and needs of other people.
I know that there are other ways to access that alone time that don't involve getting away from your partner for months. And I've definitely experienced that through things like breath work, meditation, journaling, but there's a particular kind of quietness that you access when you're alone. And that quietness can be so revealing. Honestly, that quietness actually turns out to be quite loud, and sometimes too revealing. Because what I've noticed is that when you hear yourself, you're able to hear and see the things you don't really want to face. The things that have been screaming for your attention, either to be healed or just to be acknowledged. There's something very sensual about solitude. And I was really happy to hear Jordi speak to that in this conversation.
When I think of Jordi, I think of them as someone who is really tapped in to their body and the world around them. And I've learned so much from the ways that they embody presence, and the magic of inner listening. I loved what we explored here, and I'm so excited and so glad that y'all get to hear it as well.
Jordi was someone who was impacted by Hurricane Ida and if you are in a place of generosity and abundance, they are accepting donations to help them rebuild and get back on their feet. If you've got some coins to spare, hit them up on Venmo @EarthtoJordi. That's Jordi with an i. I'm so glad they're safe. And so happy we got a chance to chat. I really hope you enjoy what we dived into. And as per usual, please stick around until the end of this episode, I am going to share a practice with you to help you embody some of the wisdom that came from this conversation you're about to hear.
Oh, and one more thing. My book, Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices for Getting in Touch With Your Body, is available for pre order right now. Like right now. This book is a self guided journal that will help you create a connection with your unique sensuality one prompt at a time. It's got all kinds of questions you can ask yourself about your body, your breath, your sexuality, and also some practices you can try to get back into your senses. This book is available on December 7. I am so excited about it. And if you'd like to preorder, you can go to EvYanWhitney.com/sensualself. Thank you so much for all of your support and your excitement about this book. I can't stop talking about it. I can't stop thinking about it. And I honestly cannot wait until I can get it in your hands really soon.
Okay, with that said, Please enjoy this conversation between me and Jordi.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Jordi, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast. Thank you so much for being here.
Jordi
Happy to be here. I'm really thankful.
Ev’Yan
Yeah, I'm so excited to have you as a guest. I've been wanting to chat with you for a while now. And this is like the perfect timing, divine timing always works. So before we get started, I would love for you to introduce yourself to
everyone tell us who you are, what your pronouns are, what you do. And yeah, I would just like to tell us everything.
Jordi
Yes, I am really going to just like brain to like heart to like body through my mouth. Like get out all of the words that I can about myself. It's it's interesting to describe me in a very succinct amount of time just because there's so much time in me even that I'm really trying to like condense and get the juice. Here's my juice, my juice is, their are three names that I vibrate with right now Jordi Jordan Jordianna. I am very much a shapeshifter I I work with the chameleon. I feel very Extra Terrestrial I am a time traveler. So there are different aspects of myself that converge in different timelines with different people in different environments. I was raised by a Gemini single mom so I feel like that definitely magnifies and influences that aspect of myself really being able to exist in different places and really being able to share different aspects of myself with different people. So I am a multi dimensional artist, creator, healer, and use many different work with many different modalities and mediums to really tell stories to heal to share my art and my creations. The mediums that are, I guess the strongest right now, writing, film, sonics, performance, but oh my heart strings kind of pull when I say that because I haven't performed in almost two years that's really wild for me to say because of a good amount of my livelihood was very much connected to to performing. The pronouns that I'll use today they/them or any one of my names I, I want to learn Yoruba. I want to learn Yoruba and Swahili, just because they're just non-gendered languages in a sense that the pronouns are already gender neutral. And I think that I resonate or want to resonate more with just non-gendered languages because the English language has me and so many people I know fucked up. So I'm definitely like decolonizing my brain even from what it's used to hearing and interacting with. I think that's, that's all for me.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Okay. Okay. See, this is, this is why I wanted you to introduce yourself. Because when I was thinking about introducing you, I was like, What words could possibly encompass this magnificent human who I know, does so much, and has such a, such a depth with everything that they do. I mean, I know you as a performer, I know you as an artist, I also, if I if, if, if this is allowed, I would also describe you as a witch, like someone who has a deep resonance and connection with the land, with the elements. And just the ability to commune and connect with all of the magical beings that we cannot see, that are involved in nature. And so I love that you introduced yourself, because for me, I feel like my introduction would have been so limited to the scope of who you are and what you do. And so I just appreciate you putting words to who you are, what you do, and also like how that is in motion. Like, it's, it's something that is still refining itself…
Jordi
Yeah,
Ev'Yan Whitney
… even as we speak.
Jordi
It's quite fluid. And there's so many aspects of myself that really surprised me, if you would have told me three years ago, let's say four years ago, that I would be you know, working mainly as a facilitator, healer, and someone who works in organizing, I wouldn't have been able to even follow the thread of where those two or, the relationship with time would arrive me to this space, and that's very much where I am now. So it's, it's almost like, I'm in awe of the being that I am because it exceeded my expectation or the realm of like, my imagination of myself of what I'm capable of. And I think there's a level of processing the new information of whoa, I'm doing this, and, and integrating it to like, Oh, I am this person like, this is, this is who I am, whether it's to myself, I am this being to other people. And what does that mean? How do I feel about that? And yeah, how do I, this word is, is kind of interesting, but how do I take ownership of that? You know, how do I step into those definitions of myself whether again, they change in the next two to three years or two to three months? You know?
Ev'Yan Whitney
Mm hmm.
Jordi
Interesting.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, that's one of the things that I really appreciate about you is that I feel that...I feel that there is an energy about you, or an intention about you, that allows you and that you give yourself permission to be in flux and to be fluid and to not put yourself into a particular box that you allow yourself to expand and be the full depth and breadth of who and and, and what you are and what you are capable of. And I think one of the reasons why I wanted to have this conversation with you, is because of that. Because I know that like you are like quintessential multifaceted, and not even just in terms of your craft, but also in terms of the energy that I feel that emanates through anything that you do. And one of the things that strikes me so much about you, if I may, is the and I don't even know if you've ever used this word to describe yourself I would love to know but is like the inherent sensuality about you. And like when I say sensuality, I don't mean it from a place of like, performance, or this sort of male-gazey, the definition that I think so many of us have when it comes to sensuality. I just mean when I say sensuality, I think about embodiment. And I think about the embodiment of your authenticity and your truth, and as well as being able to take up space, and a world that has for centuries tried to block you out of it. And so I guess my first question for you is - tell me a little bit about, well, first I want to know have you ever used sensual or sensuous to describe yourself?
Jordi 15:08
Yes, I, Well, because I'm a I'm a Taurus sun and then—
Ev'Yan Whitney
See, that's why I knew that you were a Taurus. I had a feeling.
Jordi 15:18
And then the Libra rising. And then I have a Taurus mercury, and a Taurus Venus. So there's just a lot of -
Ev'Yan Whitney Oh, yeah,
Jordi 15:28
- Taurean energy and any astrology anything that I read like around that Taurean energy is sensual energy, and it really does like play to the senses. For me. When I think of sensual, like, the stereotype is like this voluptuous, like being and it's always like what I see. And I think that the the switch for me or the understanding of sensualness or sensuality, for me is really of the senses like, what what is that relationship with touch, with taste, with smell, with what you see, with what you're feeling? With what you're hearing? I think that that, that has shifted my relationship more internally than Yeah, from the internal instead of what is projected on to like a sensual being or a sensuous being.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I love what you said about how your experience of sensuality has shifted from the external to the internal, because that's how I relate to my own sensuality. Being in a body it's not about like, what I'm trying to perform or portray. It's more so what is my What is my inner landscape? You know, and how is the world or the experiences that I'm having outside of me impacting what's happening to me internally. And so I love that you talk about that, because, for me, I've always felt that sensuality is actually quite private. It's not something that is meant to be gawked at gazed at like that's not its prime purpose. And so I just I love that you called that in and brought that into the space.
Jordi 17:14
Mm hmm. Yeah. I think that a lot of what you're talking about specifically with like the patriarchy and patriarchal understanding of identities or identifiers, identifications of a sensual or sensuous being there is the word that was flirting in my brain was consumed consuming, like consumer. Like, Oh, you're so sensual. Like I can consume you. Oh, you're because you smell good. Or because I like the way you smell, you're so sensuous. You're so sensual. It started to rain pretty intensely I hope it..
Ev'Yan Whitney
I can hear it. I love that.
Jordi 17:58 Yeah.
Ev'Yan Whitney
No, it's beautiful. Yes, more of that.
Jordi 18:01
Beautiful, like rain rain moment down.
Ev'Yan Whitney Love it.
Jordi 18:07
But yeah, I think I think that really reshifting myself from the conversation of a being who's to be consumed and there lies like the definition of myself, particularly as a sensual being it's interesting, because there there are certain like, like you said, boxes that people will try to fit you in, you know, like, oh, because you're in this body, your sensuality must look like this or must ascribe to this kind of way of being Oh, if you're black your sensuality is this if you're perceived as a man your sensuality is this you could never like wine your hips or you know, put on this Jasmine scented fragrance or, you know, there's these these boxes around what you're expected to feel or how you're expected to feel. Because of the the relationship with I do believe consumerism, like who's gonna it's like that when I think of this like phrase that comes up in my head like as a young child, like, Who's gonna want to date a man who like what paints paints his nails, or like, smells like roses like no one no girl's gonna want to love you or date you or consume consume you, you know, there's this, this relationship with you with value I feel that I've been really unpacking and, and doing it very much so in private because there's so much I think, so much density in how we interact with each other, and the power dynamics around exploration that I think I had to, I had to step away from within familial relationships within societal relationships around school, even my teachers telling me, you know, I wouldn't be able to book jobs if I talked a certain way, or I need to lower my voice in order to be marketable as you know, a man in Hollywood. It's very interesting, I did have to, to step away and really prioritize the exploration of myself as a sensual being. And that requires time with self. Yeah, I think I think of like this. I think Toriana posted it, posted about it. That said, it was a tweet that said, like, you and Beyonce have the same amount of hours in the day, and then somebody was like, this is a lie. Beyonce has staff, you know, so, because of that she pays for other people's time, there's more time that she has access to, and there's this relationship with time that I feel isn't really given or really isn't prioritized with self, because of how limited it is. And because of how tied to survival and capitalism our time is. Time is money. So why why would you spend it on yourself if you're not being able to pay pay you? You know, I can't pay myself to be in this bathtub, I can't pay myself to masturbate, you know, like, there's these things that I can't, you know, really pay myself in, in those capitalistic ways, but I have to reshift my relationship, because it's, it's so it's so worth it. You know, the payoff really is like, an actual loving relationship with myself.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I want to hear more about this, like, loving relationship that you have with yourself. Because like, on the one hand, you know, as I said before, I feel like the sensual experience is very private, it's not.. its prime objective is not meant to be like consumed as you're speaking about, it's not meant to be like, for somebody else's gaze. But and maybe it's because of all the Taurus energy you have in your chart, I feel like it is something that just emanates through you. And we all have the privilege to be able to witness that. Because, and it's not even just in like, like who you are. It's, it's also infused in what you do. And so I just, I wonder about, like, what your own sexual practices on a day to day look like? Like, in what ways do you cultivate sensuality, into your life?
Jordi 23:03
Yeah, I, as you were talking, I was just really thinking of, you know, a beautiful being like echoing and in my head, Eartha Kitt. In the film, the film, I really want to put pull it up because it's on my list to watch. And I haven't yet so I feel like this definitely is like a reminder for me. It's from All By Myself, the Eartha Kitt, it's an Eartha Kitt documentary. And you may have seen this clip about love and compromise, that famous clip where she's out in the garden talking about love and her relationship with herself. And I really, I remember watching this as like a young being and hearing her talk about the relationship with the love that she wants to cultivate with herself. And the desire to share that love with another person to share that love, to share, to share myself with with someone else, you know, to share that love of self with someone else. And I think that i think that i really resonate in that. To really build up a relationship with with myself. And we've talked about we've talked about it a little bit this past year of me, you know, really stretching a muscle I never I've never done before. I am a communal liver. I have been in living environments, house environments where I was sharing rooms with people for six plus years. Sharing intimate space with, you know, multiple people in a one bedroom apartment. Like I, I have really been around people my entire life. And I've, I plan to be that way. I mean, as I'm manifesting, you know, family and children and babies, lovers and multiple families on the same land and different homes, communal, garden communal spaces outside of those living spaces. And I think that I think that living alone, for the first time moving into this one bedroom house, has really challenged me to spend the most time with myself that I ever have. And it's really been hard, it's been very hard, I felt very lonely a lot during this and I do understand that it's a different kind of loneliness, one that isn't informed by this global pandemic, you know, by this era of social distancing, I understand that it's a very specific, very new kind of loneliness, one that I really can't read or get any information on because it's so new, I really feel like I'm kind of doing this on my own at a time. That is very, very special for me because I am, you know, wanting communal cohabitive living in my near future. So I do feel like this time right now that I'm spending alone in this, in this space in this house is to really understand my autonomy. To understand what I want, outside of having somebody influence my decision making at all. What are we going to eat? Oh, we need to make this decision. When are we going to eat? Oh, like, no one's gonna bring up this plate of food as much as we want somebody to just like cook for us or nourish or bring this so we don't have to think about it, we have to think about these things. I have to think about these things that I want that and that I need. No one's saying hey, you should take a bath. Or, hey, why don't you clean clean this up, I feel like the energy would be different in here like I really have to be self aware. And I think my practices right now are in a deep relationship with the house that I'm in. I am so thankful for the trash that gets picked up every every week because I'm aware of the trash that I want to put out every week. I'm really thankful for the dust that accumulates in in my house from my shedding skin from hair from other beings from the earth from the wind blowing in because it really caused me to to clean not only my space but also to clean myself. I think cleaning is one of the biggest, I would call it a sensual practice of mine like there's something so satisfying in like just sweeping the floors clearing clearing the floors to be swept seeing these clear like cleared dirt dirty floors, sweeping that dirt. Like taking the dirt seeing the dirt because you don't see it but like seeing it and being like oh my gosh like and and in that dirt I see time I see wow like this whole like this like time here there's a lot of time here. Oh my goodness. Oh there's that button that light came off. You know this like green hair that I had like in my head like months back you know like there's time. And then I I put it in the trash and then I take a big bucket of water that I put you know all of you know my clean cleaning products in and I mop the whole house. And there's something about just the smell and the sight of like, the time I spend cleaning the transformation that happens and then the feeling of satisfaction to like take a shower and change my bedsheets and like get into bed after really investing a lot of energy in in that ritual. It's it's so special to me. So cleaning really is a very special practice one that has been, I guess more ritualistic since the pandemic. Because I'm spending the most time that I ever have inside, I lived with my parents before I moved to the space and I really used it as a bed, you know, I had a bedroom. So I really used it as a bed if I wasn't in my bed, I was out. I was working, I was hanging out with friends, I was outside doing doing different things. And the pandemic really did, like put me in, in a home space put me in this home space. And I think that's when my relationship shifted, to really understanding how much of an extension my home is of me based on the time that I spend there. So I think Yeah, I'll end there because that's, that's kind of one of the biggest practices that has developed at least over the past two years. I'm gonna clean on Saturday after the full moon. And that's gonna be my, my ritual.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I love that that was so rich and so juicy. And what's interesting for me about that, and thank you for sharing all of that, that was so beautiful, is that there was such richness and lushness. As you were speaking, like I could even feel it in my own body, about the act and the sensual act of cleaning. And I think sometimes I have thought in previous years that sensuality is meant to be cute and fun and sweet and enjoyable. And you know, it's sitting in a garden full of flowers, and it's eating chocolate and spilling it on your chest, and like wiping it up with your finger and licking it with your tongue. And it's, you know, eating juicy fruits that drip dribble down your chin, and like that is absolutely an aspect of that. But what's been really interesting for me to play with in my own practice is like finding the sensuality, finding the pleasure in these mundane and like unsensual I'm putting bunny ears around that like unsensual moments of like cleaning like picking up your your 4C hair that shed on the floor, or like picking up toenails that you forgot that you clipped the other day.
Jordi 32:24
You are reading me right now. Like all of these things, I am literally, I detangle my hair yesterday. So there's, like, You're reading me that's all I was gonna say.
Ev'Yan Whitney
I'm reading myself. So like we're a mirror for each other. Because this is literally what it's like for me to clean for me. Yeah. And like, one of one of the, the pieces that I'm always trying to incorporate into my life is that act of seeing, and like immersing yourself into a moment, even if it's unpleasant, even if it doesn't feel like there's pleasure or sensuality there. And like seeing what's possible. And I just like hearing you talk about cleaning, and and not just as this like drudgery thing that you do, but something that is infused with the intention of, of giving reverence to time, as well as the intention of clearing out and bringing a new energy. I just I love that.
Jordi 33:28
Yeah, I think when you were talking, I was just thinking about like personification. And I think that's one of the, like best ways or the easiest ways for me to really connect with spirits or to connect with this, I guess the spirit of maybe not a quote unquote, living breathing thing, like these houses, like they're structured, they have foundation, like they're hard, they're practical, but they are very much beings and they very much have a heart and have a rhythm and have a spirit. And I think by personifying a house or a crystal or a tree or or even we do it with with animals and our pets, our loved ones, we name them we like get them like beautiful things to wear. You know, we personify them and it makes it a lot easier to understand the spirit. I think, especially as as humans, you know, how can we see ourselves in these things? And I think that when I take care of of the space, I really do try to personify it in that way. Like I want you to smell good or I want to decorate you like I want you in all of your shiny things like what color do you want to be? Like, when I first moved in, like the wall screamed at me like pink! You know? I'm like, okay, like, I wouldn't like, I know this is you because I'm not that person. They're like, yes, we want everything to be pink actually I'm like, okay, and, and this was in the fall time, right? And I hear this, I'm getting this message and I'm just like, all right, like, I trust you this whole room is gonna be pink. Bet. You know, I think you've seen it, like I've showed you like, it's beautiful. Everything and I'm like, okay, like, it's not like, I'm just not that bitch. Like, I'm not that bitch. And there's pink everywhere. And I'm like, Alright, I trust it. And then I'm out. And it's the springtime. And these flowers are blooming in front of the house. And they're pink, not only on the Magnolia in the front, but also in in this large tree. There's pink, pink flowers that I didn't see. And then in the back, there's these pink fluffy flowers coming down from this Mimosa tree. It was, it was it was the spirit loudly speaking to me. And I'm so thankful that I was listening. And I'm so thankful that I had the time to listen. And I think that, that that also comes with like that autonomy. You know, it's like, what what do you hear when you're all alone? What do you hear when the only other being to talk to is your house? You know what I mean? Or are these like beings that you're going to have a relationship with? And I think that I was watching this Korean drama, because I really, I really, that's what I watch. I watch anime, and I watch Korean dramas. And it was I really want to pull it up. Because if anybody wants to watch it, they really should I really liked it. It's called. It's not coming up right now. But I'll let you know what it is.
Ev'Yan Whitney
All right, yeah, we can put it in the show notes.
Jordi 37:00
Yes. But they were talking about this room, they it was this book that the character read when they were quite young. And it was called room 19. And it was a story about this wife, and this relationship she had in this house and not having her own space in the house, having children having a designated space in it kind of bleeding into more communal spaces, and the desire to really be with herself. Took her to this motel, room 19, where she went into this room. And all she did was just did nothing, but just wanted the, the silence of really just being with self. And I think that in this in this environment, but particularly in this time, I do believe we don't have enough self time that even we did prior to the internet, you know? Like I can literally talk and be around anyone in so many different places just because I pick up my phone. And I think that that takes up time in our minds to really interact with ourselves. Like times where we were already being kept from self with work with television, with, like lighting with how close people live to one another, you know, the helicopters flying over our heads. Like where there's this energy that we're never alone. And then there's this, I really do drive it back to capitalism. There's this capitalistic push of like, you're never alone. And you should never be alone. Like you'll you'll always have some somebody or something that you can, like, fill fill that void of loneliness. And I yeah, I think I think people are already, like, lonely, and they're surrounded by so many people. So I'm like, why not? Just actually be alone, you know, and really explore what that what that looks like and what that feels like with your own body, instead of constantly trying to like, fill the void. And that's literally the challenge that I've had to to do in here. When I'm like feeling alone. I'm like, oh, let me like, pick up my phone and go on like this, or Oh, let me call this and I'm like, oh, like let me watch this and kind of astral project somewhere else other than me literally just alone in my bed. And then I'm like, you know what, let me just stretch or let me Yes, touch myself or let me like meditate or breathe like. Let me be intentional in my loneliness. If I feel alone, there's nothing I can do about this loneliness. Now, what? What intentions? Can I put in this time that I'm alone or feeling lonely?
Ev'Yan Whitney
Hmm, yeah, you're speaking to the exact experience I had when me and my partner were living apart for a year. And, and it was almost I mean, the timing couldn't have been any more perfect, because when we decided that we were going to do it COVID was not obviously, like, we would have never predicted that there was going to be a global pandemic happening. But that COVID happening on top of this time, the first time ever in my life, that I would I would spend alone in my own house really brought up a lot of what you're speaking about. About like, it's like, when you when you get alone, and you get quiet, and you get still so much comes to the surface. And I think that's one of the reasons why so many of us don't do it. Because I mean, let me speak for myself, that was one of the reasons why I didn't do it. Because it was scary to be by yourself, it was scary to reckon with all of the emotions, all of the memories, all of the needs and wants and desires, as well as just like all of the sensations. I mean, I being in this, this home by myself for a year was really revealing. And it was also so magical, because it was through that process of getting quiet. It was through that process of being alone, that I was able to I was able to connect deeper to my body, and my emotions. My Soma, that's like what's coming up for me right now in ways that just I wasn't able to, because there was so much noise. And I think that like, everyone's always looking for tips and like, How can I be more this? or How can I get into this? Like, what if you just got quiet? Like what if and not even, and I realized, like, folks like you and me have a an amount of privilege to be able to live by ourselves for any particular time. And so I'm even thinking about folks, we're like, okay, that's not possible. Like I have a whole ass family and kids, like, there's no way, but like, how is it possible for you to integrate silence and stillness and alone time? Just to conjure those feelings of connection? emotion, memory, that I think we've all been trying to run from? Whether that's consciously or unconsciously.
Jordi 42:43
Yeah, yeah. And I, when you were talking, I just think of like, just knowing what you need. And that being such a hard thing, you know? Like, I, it's already hard for me to know what I need, like, even when I'm by myself, let alone when I was around other people. But really, like, understanding that I feel gives me gives me more like courage to demand that. Especially if I'm in like environments with other people. I'm like, I I know I need this thing. And I need your help, you know, for me to get this thing and I even how other people react to your time and your boundaries or your needs. I think there's a lot of information there.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yeah, yeah. I, I wonder, I wonder if there's anything coming up for you around. I don't know, just some like prescriptive, medicinal, something that you can give us when it comes to taking these small steps. Maybe they're not small, maybe they need to be a little bit big, or they need to be medium sized steps, but in this direction of cultivating silence with self. Cultivating more space and more time. Slowing down more so that we can get more present into what those needs are. Because I know for me, one of the reasons why I didn't feel like I knew what I needed is because I never took the time and never got quiet enough to listen to the answer of what do I need? There was always something going on that was distracting me. And so yeah, I just wonder if there's anything that's coming up for you about, I don't know some sort of medicine that we can we can use to help us create more more of that space so that we can get more clear about what those needs are.
Jordi 44:59
Uh huh. Um, the first thing that comes to my mind, I'm a daily Do Not Disturb kind of bitch. Like, I have my phone on Do Not Disturb always. And it makes me have to prioritize even who is allowed to disturb my peace. Who I allow, you know, in through that wall. Even with the technologies, you know, I put a certain amount of people on my favorites so if they call so if they text it comes through or it vibrates my phone or I you know I received the message I see it, things like that. And even that hasn't been enough for me lately because I still find myself like picking up my phone and looking through apps and putting them down. And then opening the app. And then I'm like, wait, I just closed this app, I literally just closed it. Now I'm open, you know, these kind of, like, things that I do. So now I've been going into airplane mode, you know, Ah, that's really been like, helpful for me. Because I think it still shows me like, the pattern of me picking up my phone to try to look at something and then when I try it says internet like connection. I'm like, oh, like, Oh, so it shows me the pattern, which is good. But even turning my phone off also has been a—
Ev'Yan Whitney
So like, Can I just tell you like listening to this? I'm like, Okay, do not disturb I could do that. Let me do that right now. And then you said airplane mode? And I was like, um, I don't know, I don't know about that. And then you said turn the phone off. I was like, Oh, no. But like, that's, I mean, that's a really like, being able to track those sensations. And like those responses in my body. I mean, it lets me know that like, I have a problem. And I wonder, like, I'm certain that there are people listening who sort of have the same feeling come up.
Jordi 47:15
And even then, like, I my computer's usually open and I don't even get is usually connected to that my email. Yeah, like I if like, cuz my brains always like what if somebody what if somebody, and even it's not the what if somebody, it's kind of like a I want somebody like I want I want somebody to like text me, I want somebody to give me a call, like somebody call me somebody text me. Like give me attention like I do, I do crave those things. I like those things, they give me a certain sense of serotonin, you know, when like, different people or people also that I don't expect, you know, kind of like coming in my energetic field and I don't know, giving me an emoji thumbs up, like the heart eyes or something like there is there's something connected chemically connected to like being seen in that way. You know, and I love that relationship with social media I do, especially with people that I love, or people that I have connections with people that I'm attracted to, you know, like I there are different beings that I do, you know, like, have a positive connection with via social media. But I really, I really think like, again, it's it's that shutting myself off or kind of closing the door of like, my energy kind of going out because the energy is going to come in, like however it wants to or not, maybe you will miss a phone call, but you might get a voicemail. Like your DMs will still be filled by the time you get back. You know, like, the messages will flow. But I think the giving out and redirecting that energy into what is immediate. And it doesn't necessarily have to be in your space in like within you particularly but with what's in arm's reach your neighbors, your family, your house, your car, like I feel like there are, you know, like your car's dmws wants some love to like change the oil or I don't know, I think there's this if if I my brain wants to like say the word investments, but and I really do think that that that's what it is like we have our energy and we're investing our energy into these things outside of ourselves with people with. You know, different experiences with different platforms were giving of our time, we're investing our time. And I'm, I just, it's been a challenge to, to really shift where my investments are going, and what I invest my time and what I'm investing my energy in, outside of social media or outside of even the patterns that I've built around that. So
yeah, I think I think explore with technology and turn, turn it, turn it off or have a designated time period. So let's say you, you know, have a time you're like, Okay, from two to three, I'm going to have my phone completely off after that will be lovely. But from this time, we're going to see what what our life is like without this phone access, or without without electronics. I think that i think that that's important for me.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Mm hmm. I love that question of what are you investing your time and energy into? And I think that I mean, it's such a simple question. But I think that if we really pause and get real about where we what we are giving our energy to what energy is being sucked away from us. I think that there are a lot of Yeah, there's a lot of wisdom in there. I think just even that invitation of asking that question is beautiful. So thank you. Thank you for that.
Jordi 51:44
It brings up just one more thing in my in my head around this topic. And I was raised religiously, in the Christian church, I am no longer participating in that theatrical performance, which I really do believe it is a performance. And I, but there are lessons that have been ingrained in me that were taught to me that were invited for me to process and when I think about this lesson, and this conversation of of tithes and offerings, I was talking to a friend about it the other day, but there there is so much attached to tithing an offering. I think from a very young age, I was taught to give; to invest in the church and why we're really wanting to build community, we're investing into the environments we're in, we're giving up our time, we're giving of our resources in order for them to multiply not only for ourselves, but the people around us, the congregation. And I really do believe like, even if you aren't a religious person, like thinking about like, what what what is your church? Like? Where do you find healing and wisdom in? Is it the earth? And how are you tithing to the earth? How are you giving an offering to the earth? Like, how are you taking care of your congregation? Like, are the birds fed around you? Like, do the cats have to, you know, like, just limp on the streets and their ribs are showing like, like, how, how is the land thriving in your presence? And I really do think that with this access to land, having access to a backyard, that those questions of where where my church is, or where my place of worship is like, who who is my family, like my prayer family? Like, Who can I turn to when I need help? When I need, like wisdom when I need a word? You know, like, how can I show up for them? And it's really reshifted my relationship again, with time, and the resources that have come from where I've invested my time. So even if I do invest it away, you know, from these places, and I get my bag, and I hop on a live or you know, I'm facilitating at this, what have you, and I get my resources, but how am I how am I then channeling those resources to the people that I love to the beings I love to the land that I love, and vice versa, the people that love me and the land that loves me. So yeah, I think that that's, that's something that has come up as well.
Ev'Yan Whitney
That's beautiful. Thank you for that offering. Before I go, I want to talk about your book, because you mentioned in the beginning, that writing amongst so many other things has been a really big piece for you regarding your art and the way that you show up in the world and the offerings that you give. So please tell me about your book.
Jordi 55:15
Yeah, I, I wrote it last year. And it came from really a lot of just really intense life changes, you know, like, we were literally about to be on a plane to Costa Rica, you and I both, you know, like we were in the garden, it was literally weeks before that, that trip, after that, I was going to go to Hawaii, I was gonna go to Japan, I was gonna celebrate my birthday. Like, there were a lot of things that were happening that didn't happen. I got out of a year and a half long relationship. It was the first relationship so it was that I've ever been in. And it was the first breakup that I've ever experienced. And it happened quite abruptly, it was, it was, it was quite shocking to me. And I had to really retreat into myself, it was a Venus retrograde. And I'm quadruply ruled by Venus. So I was going through a lot, like, around love around healing around what my heart really wants. And I also wanted to go to a friend's backyard. And my parents were just, they had some anxiety around, you know, social distancing in the backyard with like, a pool, it was gonna be just me and a friend. And there was still some anxiety around that. And I felt like I didn't have access to my medicine. And that really made me frustrated. And I remember I was up in my room, and I was gonna watch some anime, and I just heard this very loud, like, like, message of, no, you're, you're going to do some work right now. And I started to hear these drums. And it was this, like, this message of you're going to move, it's gonna happen very quickly, do all of the things you need to do in order to move with stability, move with power, move with grace, move with ease. And one of the tasks was getting my website together. One of the biggest things for me was passive income, how can I really like share, like content or Yeah, share my offerings with people in a passive way where I could literally be asleep and people can just get, you know, these these offerings from me. And I was like, Well, what could they be? Books came up like writing, in that I was already writing a book called The Heartbreak Hotel at the time. And I was writing down just different different books that were like coming to my mind and Lil' Book of Potions was one of the first ones and it is a book that is really enter biologists guide to using herbs, different ingredients in a ritualistic way, particularly in alignment with the lunar cycles. So I, I found a lot of medicine and a lot of healing in synching up with the moon, especially around the pandemic. Time was completely shifted. My sleeping schedule was out of whack. I no longer had any jobs that tied me to some sense of time in that way. Like I was literally out here in relationship with time, I wasn't scheduling things, the way that I was, like, my time was completely shifted, but I looked outside, and I looked at the moon and it was like, it's the waning moon period, boo, like, you know, like, release cleanse like, Oh, it's the waxing like, fill yourself like illuminate you know, and, and I was really thankful for that grounding relationship with time. That the lunar cycles brought so I sat down and I literally channeled this book from start to finish. I think it took me a month. I wrote all of the lunar cycles and just how I really resonated with them and all of the herbs and ingredients for different blends, for different lunar periods just came to me and then after I wrote them down I wrote a little herb blurbs about them. And that was, that was kind of my my process of like, really getting this book out. And then it was a visual, it was a visual book. So I knew I was gonna take pictures. So I made I think 12 out of the 29 blends that are in that book, I made 12 of them and took pictures overhead. And I saw them as these orbs. So I have the orbs on different pages throughout the book. So I think that that also has a lot of energy. You know, when we talk about the spirits, when we talk about, you know, these these beings of like sweet potato or like lemon, like there's, there's an energy like behind them. So I was really thankful to share that energy with the readers of that, that book, and it was a digital book at first and ebooks, so I sent it out in PDF form. And so many people were like, I don't want the PDF form, I want the printed form. And I was just like, Okay, well, I guess I'm gonna print it, you know, and a part of the process was, you know, really either waiting for, you know, the publishing, like company, and just different things like that or really taking the initiative and printing and marketing and doing all of those things. So I chose the latter in hopes that, you know, I could find a publishing company that really does believe in that project and wants to help me print an addition to really make it more accessible. I did a small batch print. So I have about I think I've sold 100 copies already.
Ev'Yan Whitney Yesss.
Jordi 1:02:01
Like I like the printing batch was 250. So I have 150. Left, it's a limited edition, like, I don't know, when the second print is gonna happen. So I'm thankful you got your copy. And yeah, my intention is that it can really, you know, get on New York bestsellers lists like a beautiful, small but very powerful in content, very potent, very dense resource that people can use in their own practice of ritual and herb making, because I do I do have a sequel to the book that I really just want to focus on writing, really. And yeah, get that get that magic out to as many people as possible.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Yes, I love that you created this book. I love the intention that you weaved throughout this book. I love that this book was a creation that was literally channeled through you wasn't part of the plan. But it was like, Okay, you got to sit down. This is the book you must write, I find that work that comes through like that is the most powerful. And so with that, I want to ask you, where can people find the book? Where can people find you?
Jordi 1:03:32
Yeah, I am EarthToJordi everywhere you can go to my website, Earthtojordi.com. I have a store there with a lot of different things. My book is one of them, you can go through that site and get your copy today. Go to my website, subscribe, get on my email list and tell a friend.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Beautiful. I just want to thank you so much my friend for offering us your wisdom, your time, your energy, I have been nourished through this conversation. And I just thank you so much for for showing up for being here and forgiving us all your magic. Thank you.
Jordi 1:04:19
Thank you really appreciate you and so thankful for everyone who is tuning in, who has tuned in and who continues to tune in to not only this conversation, but the conversations that you have been doing that have led up to this and the conversations after so thank you for doing your work and getting all of this out there. You know, getting it to the people. Because, you know, we're out here. We're really truly out here and I'm thankful for the conversation as well. Thank you for having me.
Ev'Yan Whitney
Wasn't that conversation so amazing? I love Jordi. So much, and I'm so thankful for everything that they shared with us in this episode. And to help us stay in this energy a little longer. I'd like to close this episode with a practice that you can explore on your own that encompasses some of the themes of what we explored with Jordi today. This episode was about a lot of things. Me and Jordi got into so much. But the one thing that I haven't been able to stop thinking about is this notion of the sensuality of solitude. Like, what you can find when you create an intentional space of quiet and inner listening to yourself. Also how heightened your senses can be how illuminating that experience of being alone with your body and your thoughts can be.
So for our sensual practice this week, I would love for you to take a few moments to be by yourself, and explore what comes up either in your body or your mind, or both. Exploring what comes up when you create space to be intentionally alone for a bit. Now, this doesn't have to be like crawling in a cave, and sitting silent in the dark for hours on end. Unless that's your thing. No, what I'm talking about is having you take a few moments away from external distractions, even people so that you can experience something that a lot of us don't do all that often, which is putting our full, undivided attention on ourselves, on our bodies, and on our thoughts. I realize that this might be difficult for some of you to do. Being alone is a privilege that not all of us have access to. But I encourage you to try to find space and time to do this. Even if it's just for five minutes. You can do this by going on a solo walk in nature, by taking a bath by laying on the floor with your eyes closed, and just being with your body and your breath. I mean, if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for five minutes to just sit and feel and notice. Do that. Do that.
Now if you're someone who has trouble finding that alone time, I invite you to ask for it. So telling your partner or your roommates or your kids to not disturb you for 5, 10, 15 minutes, as you're taking some time by yourself. Make that boundary and intention really, really clear. If you're someone who is frequently alone, maybe because you live by yourself or whatever, I like to invite you to ask yourself for that alone time. So being intentional about when that alone time happens, and what you'll be doing with it. intention is everything.
If you're a little freaked out about being totally alone with yourself, I get it. One way that that can help is maybe select some instrumental music you can play in the background to kind of keep you company a little bit. This is something that I love to do. I love going for long walks in my neighborhood by myself with only Alice Coltrane in my ears. There's something about the music that just helps hold and ground me into the experience that much more. And the music also tends to stir up emotions and memories.
So no, you don't have to completely strip away all external things. But I would suggest putting away any devices or media that requires you to pay attention to someone or something else. The goal here is for you to pay attention to yourself to hold space for yourself. Even if it's uncomfortable, and I imagine that it will be but it's okay. Do your best to be present to go with it.
So give this a try. See what comes up. See what happens in your body when you're alone with yourself. Hell, maybe see what's happening in your body right now as you consider doing this practice. Just take a moment and notice that. Whatever comes up, be it a sensation and emotion, a memory or an anxious thought. I hope you're able to meet it to meet yourself with kindness, curiosity, and presence.
Sensual Self is created and hosted by me Ev'Yan Whitney. It is edited and produced by Tribble. Music is by Melody Symphony from his song, Just Healing. For everything you want to know about this podcast, including previous episodes, show notes, transcripts and resources. Go to evyanwhitney.com/podcasts. You can also follow the show on Instagram @sensual.self. If you have a moment, I would love it if you rated and reviewed this podcast. It helps others find the show and as a result, it helps them uncover their sensual self. As for me, I'm on Instagram @EvYan.Whitney, and if you want to know more about me and my work, go to EvYanWhitney.com.
And please check out my book, Sensual Self: Prompts and Practices for Getting in Touch With Your Sensual Body to preorder go to EvYanWhitney.com/sensualself. Thanks so much for being here and for creating the space for yourself. I'll see you in the next one.