Why I Touch Myself: An Ode to Masturbation

I'm trying to think of who I would be as a sexual woman if I didn't have a sexual relationship with myself, & I can't place her.Without this solo intimacy, I don't think it would be possible for me to stand fully in my erotic power. Masturbation is a way for me to understand my sexual expression. It helps me to come into sexual relationships with others with total awareness of how I move with my sexual energy & how I wish to experience the erotic.Because if I don't know what it is that brings me pleasure, how will anyone else know? And how will I be able to convey that to my partners?Masturbation is one of the ultimate gestures of self-love. It's selfish, it's healing, it's for pleasure only. Whenever I make the time to give myself pleasure, I walk away feeling more relaxed, more connected to my center, more able to tune in to my inner voice.I feel like I create something special during a solo sex session. When I'm in those moments of total attention & attunement to my erotic energy, something fills the in the air; something warm & loving hangs over me as I touch & writhe & breathe & vocalize the milky feel of pleasure.I've actually used this energy & the act of sexual touch to cleanse rooms before. What gets created between me & my body & the actualization of my desires, I find, is better than any smudge stick.I touch myself to worship my skin & senses. I touch myself to reconnect with my heart space & quieten my mind. I touch myself to release tension, rage, sadness, or sheer joy. I touch myself to relieve anxiety & self-doubt. I touch myself to amp up my self-worth.

I touch myself to come home to my body.

This relationship I have with my sexual self that was forged at birth, this relationship that fosters gentle self-exploration, this relationship that helps me be better a partner to my partners. . . it is one worth strengthening, celebrating.

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May is National Masturbation Month, & for the next several weeks, I'd like to explore this intimate sexual relationship, the one that exists when no one is looking—the one that is the foundation for our erotic expressions, the one that helps us come home to our sexual bodies.I'll be telling some of my stories, sharing some of my thoughts, & featuring some of yours.