I Am A "Too Much" Woman

Note: This writing is inspired by and dedicated to all of the Too Much women I have worked with, who, very bravely and against all odds, rise.

There she is. . . the "too much" woman. The one who loves too hard, feels too deeply, asks too often, desires too much.

There she is taking up too much space, with her laughter, her curves, her honesty, her sexuality. Her presence is as tall as a tree, as wide as a mountain. Her energy occupies every crevice of the room. Too much space she takes.

There she is causing a ruckus with her persistent wanting, too much wanting.

She desires a lot, wants everything—too much happiness, too much alone time, too much pleasure. She'll go through brimstone, murky river, and hellfire to get it. She'll risk all to quell the longings of her heart and body. This makes her dangerous.

She is dangerous.

And there she goes, that "too much" woman, making people think too much, feel too much, swoon too much. She with her authentic prose and a self-assuredness in the way she carries herself. She with her belly laughs and her insatiable appetite and her proneness to fiery passion. All eyes on her, thinking she's hot shit.

Oh, that "too much" woman. . . too loud, too vibrant, too honest, too emotional, too smart, too intense, too pretty, too difficult, too sensitive, too wild, too intimidating, too successful, too fat, too strong, too political, too joyous, too needy—too much.

She should simmer down a bit, be taken down a couple notches. Someone should put her back in a more respectable place.

Someone should tell her.

Here I am. . . a Too Much Woman, with my too-tender heart and my too-much emotions.

A hedonist, feminist, pleasure seeker, empath. I want a lot—justice, sincerity, spaciousness, ease, intimacy, actualization, respect, to be seen, to be understood, your undivided attention, and all of your promises to be kept.

I've been called high maintenance because I want what I want and intimidating because of the space I occupy. I've been called selfish because I am self-loving. I've been called a witch because I know how to heal myself.

And still. . . I rise. Still, I want and feel and ask and risk and take up space.

I must.

Us Too Much Women have been facing extermination for centuries—we are so afraid of her, terrified of her big presence, of the way she commands respect and wields the truth of her feelings. We've been trying to stifle the Too Much Woman for eons—in our sisters, in our wives, in our daughters. And even now, even today, we shame the Too Much Woman for her bigness, for her wanting, for her passionate nature.

And still. . . she thrives.

In my own world and before my very eyes, I am witnessing the reclamation and rising up of the Too Much Woman. That Too Much Woman is also known to some as Wild Woman or the Divine Feminine. In any case, she is me, she is you, and she is loving that she's finally, finally getting some airtime.

If you've ever been called "too much," or "overly emotional," or "bitchy," or "stuck up," you are likely a Too Much Woman.

And if you are. . . I implore you to embrace all that you are—all of your depth, all of your vastness; to not hold yourself in, and to never abandon yourself, your bigness, your radiance.

Forget everything you've heard—your too much-ness is a gift; oh yes, one that can heal, incite, liberate, and cut straight to the heart of things.

Do not be afraid of this gift, and let no one shy you away from it. Your too much-ness is magic, is medicine. It can change the world.

So please, Too Much Woman: Ask. Seek. Desire. Expand. Move. Feel. Be.

Make your waves, fan your flames, give us chills.

Please, rise.

We need you.

Copyright © 2014-2022 Ev'Yan Whitney. All rights reserved.

. . .

If you want to share this work, you must quote it and link it to this post and website. No part of this work may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author. For permission requests, write to the author: evyan@evyanwhitney.com.

An update from the author

When I wrote this piece in 2014, I had no way of knowing that it would touch so many lives and resonate so strongly with women’s experiences. But since it was published, it’s received an incredible amount of love on the internet, has been translated into different languages, has been the impetus for songs and performances, and has been shared hundreds of thousands of times on social media. I am truly in awe of the way this piece has moved you and its tenacity to keep speaking to you after all these years.

While this piece no longer resonates with me as strongly as it did when I first wrote it—my own too-muchness has brought me into new territories of identity and expression beyond what I could’ve imagined for myself in 2014—I continue to be touched by the way it resonates with you and the ways you’re finding permission to be “too much”, whatever that means to you. Thank you for reading, sharing, feeling this piece.

Love, Ev’Yan
(October 14, 2022)