Episode 31: The Moon, The Stars, & My Sex Life

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[INTRODUCTION FROM EV’YAN]

Hey everyone! I'm Ev’Yan Whitney and this is The Sexually Liberated Woman. I have got something really fun for you today. Well, fun for you and nerve-wrecking for me, because you are about to get an exclusive glimpse at parts of myself that I only share with me therapist. But, it is a part of a larger purpose and there is this part of me that is also really excited to share it with you.

But first, let me give my shoutouts. This small segment of the show is where I highlight each new supporter of The Sexually Liberated Woman. These are folks who are giving this podcast literal life with their coins via my Patreon. So, shoutouts this week goes to Elizabeth H, Lidia R and Zoë for becoming brand new patrons of The Sexually Liberated Woman. Thank you for your support. I so appreciate you. You are incredibly kind, and it means so much.

I also give shootout to all of the folks who have shared this podcast with friends or on social media – twitter, Facebook, Instagram—all of it. I know I have been talking a lot lately about supporting me and The Sexually Liberated Woman with cash, but there are many different ways to support. When you talk about this podcast to your fav or feature it on your own platform, you are giving with a similar vibe that you would do through Patreon. It’s all the same energy and it goes a long way.

There have been literally hundreds of you that have done it in the past. I couldn’t possibly name you all, that would be an entire podcast of it, but I don’t want another episode go by without giving you some love too. So, if you have ever tweeted about The Sexually Liberated Woman, which by the way I am not on Twitter, but if you have ever posted about it on Facebook, if you have ever sent a link of an episode to a best friend, if you have ever shared this podcast on your Insta Story, if you have ever left a review or if you even began to embody one of the lessons that you learned from the episodes, thank you.

And of course, if you want to support The Sexually Liberated Woman, go to www.patreon.com/slwpodcast and become a patron. As a patron, you help cover all of the expenses of operating this podcast and you also join an amazing community of bad-ass sex-posi folks who are on this journey of sexual liberation just like you are. And, I actually don’t think I have mentioned this before, but all of my patrons get special sneak-peeks of upcoming episodes and they also get 15% off on all of my products. So yeah, get on it. I would love to have you. And, thank you.

[05:00]

So, I have got a confession to make. I’m a huge stan for astrology. More than just reading my horoscope, I am really into the intricacies of my natal charts, which is basically a snap shot of the positions and alignments of stars during the time that I was born. I am really into my rising and my moon signs. For the record, I am a Virgo sun, Cancer moon and a Sagittarius rising. I am also super into the charts and the rising signs my friends and my loved ones have. I always swore I would never be that person who asks what’s your sign within the first five minutes of meeting you. But hello, I am now that person. Astrology just really fascinates me, and it has also been an incredible tool of self-discovery and self-understanding for me. I love geeking out about it. So, all of this is to say this episode is one that marries two of my loves, astrology and sexuality. And the officiant helping to make this marriage possible, is my friend Jaliessa Sipress of Obsidian Moon Astrology.

I actually reached out to Jaliessa about an idea I had because as I was doing my own study of astrology, there were these two planets that I was especially curious about, which were Mars and Venus. Mars and Venus are notorious for being planets that represent sexuality and sensuality. My Mars and Venus just so happen to be in Virgo. So, as I am exploring myself sexually and astrologically, I have been really curious to have these two planets broken down to see how they influence my sexuality. So, I had an idea to invite Jaliessa, who is an astrologer, to do a sextrology reading on me where we could dive into those planets and other aspects of my chart that have to do with sexuality, sexual identity and clear identity, all of it.

So, we did the reading and got super into it and we actually recorded it. That’s what I am sharing with you today. Me getting dragged by the stars via this reading that I did with Jaliessa. And, honestly it is not so much of a dragging as it is in unapologetic truth telling of who am I sexually, how I operate sexually, and what it is that is blocking me from having and experiencing the kind of sexual life I deserve. I think that’s why it feels so vulnerable to me to share with you. Through witnessing this reading, you are going to be exposed to some of my own sexual hang-ups, and deep core wounding. So, strap in. But hey, radical transparency about my process on this journey of sexual liberation is really important to me. It just so happens that I will also be entertaining it to you.

So, the last thing I want to say before we get into it, even though this reading is about me and my chart and, you know, intricacies of my rising signs and planets and all of that, there are still so many nuggets of wisdom that Jaliessa shares from her reading of my chart that I think will really resonate with you especially if you are a Virgo sun or a Cancer moon like me. Even if you are not, still tune it because there is stuff in here that will likely speak to the core of you.

I hope you seeing me as the stars see me.

[INTERVIEW WITH JALIESSA]

Ev’Yan:  Ah, Jaliessa! I am so excited to talk to you today and also to get my reading done from you because I have wanted to get one done since forever. So, what an amazing opportunity for us to do this and like, talk on the phone. It’s pretty cool.

Jaliessa: Yeah, I am very excited. Thank you so much for having me. I love your podcast. I found out about it, and I listened to all the episodes in two days.

Ev’Yan: Really? That is so sweet! I didn’t know this. Like, right before we hit record, I flabbergasted. Like, it was so sweet. Okay so, how did you get into astrology?

Jaliessa: It is funny because I feel like, when I think back on it, it has been sprinkled throughout my life but not in a very consistent way.

[10:00]

Until I worked at the spa in Portland Oregon when I was living in Portland. And, when I worked there, it’s a very small environment and everyone talked about astrology. It was when I was around people who were willing to talk about it in a more and more serious way, like they actually believed in it. They looked into it, and things like that. That is when I really started to talk about it more often, more like on daily basis. Because I was talking about it a little more, one of my coworkers was like, ‘oh, there is an astrology conference happening in San Francisco and you should really go. Like, you are really into it.’ And I was like, ‘an astrology conference?’ like, what the hell are you talking about. I looked into the conference, and I couldn’t go because they told me like, a few weeks in advance but I was working a spa job. I was like, wow, this is a thing. I went to but my first chart interpretation book and a month later, I read one of my longest friend’s chart just straight out of the book. I was like, oh, this means this. You know, like I put out the chart and just kept doing that by the book. I was just learning but they were like, really freaked out. They were like, ‘yeah, this is like too real.’ It was just kind of uncomfortable and I was fascinated by that. Like, I was fascinated by the vulnerability that I brought up for them, by the deeper connection that it created with my friends.

I have been the caretaker of myself for my whole life, being an only child of a single parent. I grew up really fast. I always had the care taking role. So, the vulnerability is something that I have always been super interested in cultivating. And, this reading seemed to open up a whole new world of it. Like it incorporates the ancient practice and all arc types, and also opens up these spaces between the two human beings on a very basic level. Obviously, there are a lot of other components but just those few things kind of creating this really magical and somewhat daunting space, really fascinates me.

So, from then on, I was reading friends’ charts and I was just doing it for free for anyone who would let me. And then when I went to the bay area, I realized people did it for profession because my roommates were like, oh you’re an astrologer. They kind of asked me if I did it for living or I was doing it for myself. You know, it was kind of another moment where I was like, oh maybe I should charge for it, and maybe I should do it in a more formal way.  So, the rest is history from there. I made a simple WordPress and I saw clients in the basement of our house. That was where my professional practice had blossomed. Yeah, that’s kind of how I got to where I am today, just building off of that and branching out into different ways of offering astrology to the public.

Ev’Yan: Amazing. One of my favorite things about astrology, and I should kind of preface this by saying I have a basic, an above average knowledge of astrology. I have had many readings done. I have tried to read my own chart, I have tried to research on planets and houses. So, I have some knowledge on it, but I don’t know enough about it to actually be like, ‘okay, I could read someone else’s chart. Or I could think about what transits and happening now’ and I actually feel like I don’t know what the hell I am talking about.

But, one of the things that I love about astrology is that it is such an amazing tool for self-realization and kind of similar to when I do tarot readings on myself. I know that there are some people who think like astrology is like bullshit or whatever, but I have the belief that  this is a practice that can help you connect more to yourself, more to your wisdom and just be a lot more mindful about the path you are on, the decisions that you are making and the person that you are.

Jaliessa: Yeah, I totally agree. I think that’s the biggest thing that the astrology gives us like, the greatest gift that we could ever be given is self-awareness. You know, knowing ourselves and knowing where we want to go.

[15:00]

Having guidance as what we are given, our birth-rights, and how to approach them in a way that feels like we are empowered, we are entitled to be here and to be doing those things, yeah, I agree.

Ev’Yan: As someone who has a really strange relationship with spirituality, astrology has been really comforting for me. It has been comforting to know that I am not alone and that there is something out there, like ancient wisdom, that is co-conspiring with me and that the life I am creating. I have found great spiritual comfort in knowing that this is a tool that I can use to connect to myself and connect with whatever there is up in the sky or the universe, starts, planets, in a way that feels really good and doable.

Jaliessa: Yeah. I think astrology has this timeless quality to it because it plays with these twelve arc types which are ancient and timeless. That are basically just re-configured into different amounts and people throughout time. But they will always be there. It kind of ties us back to what makes us both human and magical or mystical or spiritual beings.

Ev’Yan: Yeah, that excites me. Like, it excites me to think of myself as like a magical, mystical being, especially as who was taught so against that concept. I have vivid memories of not being able to watch fantasia and sorcery. They were like, ‘no, we don’t want you watching Mickey mouse, bringing brooms and buckets to life.’ So, this concept of being magical and being mystical, and not even like having to be outside my me and something that is learned by something else but something that is already within me. It is like, it is a new concept for me and I have really enjoying playing around with that and embodying that. So, tell me about this reading that you are about to do on me. I am really curious, we talked a little bit about what it would look like, but I am curious about what you have up your sleeve for me today.

Jaliessa: Yeah. So, it’s not a reading that I offer clients in terms of its specificity. Sex and relationships come up all the time in readings. I would say, eighty percent of the times. But, I just don’t offer them as stand-alone readings. What I have for you today, what I have prepared, I would ask a few questions from you like I would do for any client in for a reading, I am just going to use the guide to answer those questions for you, specifically about sex and relationships. It is a great time to do it because Gemini season activates the seventh possible relationship in your chart.

Ev’Yan: Oh, that’s great.

Jaliessa: Yeah. So, it’s a great time.

Ev’Yan: I love that! Like the divine timing of all of this because honestly, we were supposed to do this a couple of weeks ago. It’s perfect that we ended up having it today, like when the starts are literally aligned.

Jaliessa: Yeah, I think it’s great. It is perfect.

Ev’Yan: Yeah, so let’s get into it. I am excited. I am also a little nervous because I have been dragged before. When I got my astrology readings done, it had one on my birthday and it was very enlightening. I was like, oh shit, I need some water. I am really excited.

Jaliessa: Do you have water close by?

Ev’Yan: I actually do. I am going to be taking sips because I am parched as I am getting dragged.

Jaliessa: I will be gentle with you. You know, it’s funny because I do think that astrology gets to the heart of things that can feel like, ‘oh my God!’ But my job as an astrologer is to be the buffer. That is why I exist, to be a buffer between this information and you. So, if you don’t feel comfortable then I am not doing my job. Like, comfortably challenged is the place.

Ev’Yan: I like to be comfortably challenged, I am okay with being dragged, like I am constantly being dragged by my tarot readings. It’s a good dragging because it calls me on my share and lets me know like I need to shut up and do what I am supposed to do, but it stings a little bit. But, I am okay. I have got my water handy, I have my candles lit, I am so ready.

Jaliessa: Usually when I do my readings, I just do like a little meditation. Obviously, I am not going to do the full meditation, but would you mind if we, and anyone who is listening, took three deep breaths together.

 [20:05]

Ev’Yan: I would love that. Yeah.

Jaliessa: Okay, so just close your eyes and get in a comfortable position. And then, tell me when you are ready.

Ev’Yan: I am ready.

Jaliessa: Okay. So, let’s just take a deep breath in together. And out. Letting your body drop. Another one in, and out, becoming heavier. And one more in and out.

Okay, so the second thing that I like to do on reading is to just go over the things that you prompted for this reading and see if there is any specific question that you wanted to ask or any kind of specificities or things that you forgot to mention in relation to these things.

Ev’Yan: Yeah, I know that I mentioned to you that I am really curious about my Mars and Venus being in Virgo because as a Virgo sun, I am very familiar with what the Virgo means. And I feel like the Mars and Venus being in Virgo have definitely affected my ability to be in relationships, both romantically and sexuality. I am particularly curious about that but honestly, I am an open book. I am like, whatever you will give me I will gobble it.

Jaliessa: Yeah, great. The other two things that I had prepared were, talking about the queer identity in your charts and also talking about kinky stuff in relationships on your chart.

Ev’Yan: Oh, yeah, I am very interested in that because I have some feels. I don’t think I’m kinky. I took a test recently. It is like, BDSM test.

Jaliessa: Yeah, I know about that.

Ev’Yan: I can remember putting in the show notes, but basically I was like hella vanilla. So not kinky.  So, I am really curious to know what you have to say about that.

Jaliessa: I think we will talk about things in order that we just addressed. I am going to talk about Mars and Venus in general. We will dig in a bit to what it has in the charts, and then, talk about… I think kinky and quirking kind of go hand in hand.

Ev’Yan: Yeah, sounds right.

Jaliessa: They kind of happen together. That always happen in astrology. In terms of Mars and Venus, the reason that most people think that Mars and Venus are kind of determinative of your relationships, sex, sexual tendencies are because Mars is the physical manifestation of our energy. Its why and how we show up in the world. So, Mars rules Aries, it’s the warrior, so showing up, just showing up. In terms of sexuality, it’s the physical nature of the connection – sex. It’s like how you show up to your partner physically. Then, Venus is more of the attraction and relational aspects that are more accentual. So, Mars being more sexual and Venus being more accentual, how the senses are being activated, what parts of you are receptive to sexual activity or the parts of you that kind of feel the attraction. So, you have Mars and Venus in Virgo, they are kind of acting in similar ways but of course they are showing up differently. So, with having your Mars and Virgo, we definitely see this in most of your life. Life, showing up in a way that is a little bit perfectionist, a little bit by the book, more clean and pristine, Mythology of Virgo is the sacrificial Virgo on the pantheon. Right, So, it’s giving yourself of service to a higher ideal. Whatever that ideal is for you in your life, that’s what you’re showing up for. And, your Mars and Virgo are like, why you show up on time and everything is prepared ahead of time. But Mars, sexually, is also that kind of exchange of energy, it is very sensual, relational in terms of Mercury rules Virgo.

[25:00]

So, thinking about the mind being a part of it… I think you talked about earlier, being in your head too much during sex?

Ev’Yan: Yeah.

Jaliessa: Because Mercury rules Virgo. That’s where a lot of ideals take place. So, Mars is kind of acting based on what you are thinking and what your ideas about sex and pleasure. Creativity is a little hard for you in sex. Like, kind of where kink might fit in. Moving on, into Venus, it is being attracted to somebody’s mind, being attracted to somebody’s both intellectual and materialistic exchange is superiority. But, really finding you..,. feeling most embodied when you are showing up for your partner, which can be very vanilla seeming. Like, I love it when I can drive my partner to work, let me make you dinner, like showing up for. Being in service. Like, if there was a fantasy, it would be the male. Does that make sense?

Ev’Yan: Yeah, it makes sense and it also resonates because I think one of my love languages is quality time. Quality time for me doesn’t mean spending lots of time together, but it also means me investing my time and energy into that relationship. Like, sitting down and talking to you, making meals, making sure you’re comfortable. Those are ways how I express myself an even sexual attraction to someone. So yeah, that makes perfect sense.

Jaliessa: Yeah. In these two together, it very much like the day to day stuff. It’s the bond, because we are talking about the earth sign, the material bond of ‘I am giving you this or I am giving you that service’, you have tokens, memories, that lay the foundation of that relationship. It makes you feel like you can have those vulnerable moments. Like you think about Venus and Virgo, they can be very picky about the partners they choose. But then once they are in a relationship, they give everything to the partner.

Ev’Yan: Yeah. I am wondering, like as I identified as demisexual and so I am wondering if there is a connection between my demisexuality and the fact that my Mars and Venus are in Virgo. It feels like they are really connected.

Jaliessa: Demisexuality for you shows up as wanting to get to know someone before you find sexual attraction to them.

Ev’Yan: Yes. Like, specifically having the sense of emotional intimacy, emotional stability with someone before like, yeah, I want to have sex with you. Like, I need that emotional connection with someone before I can even allow my mind to really venture in this round.

Jaliessa: Yeah. That actually reads perfectly to where I was going next, which was your moon is in Cancer. So, one degree is Cancer. And, for me the first three degrees of a sign are very important. That moon which rules Cancer, in Cancer is very sensitive. It needs to feel safe, grounded and comforted with what it is allowing to be vulnerable within. So, that’s another piece to this. Because if Virgo, Venus and Mars are looking for stability, then moon is what’s kind of opening that gate, which is kind of what you have already said. The moon and Cancer are like, we want emotional intimacy first and then the Venus and Mars are coming out to play. So, I think your moon in Cancer is a gate-keeper here. I think that definitely has to do with dummy-sexuality for sure.

Ev’Yan: This is so validating and affirming and really speaks to one of the last poly relationships. It wasn’t even poly, it was more like monogamous type of relationship, I had where we were not like super compatible because she was more like wanting to get to the sexy part, which was totally fine. But I was more like I need emotional intimacy. Like, I need you to text me and tell me that you are thinking of me, and she is like no, let’s get it on.

[30:00]

I was going through that period feeling like, wow, there is something wrong with me, that I am not able to access raw sexuality with this person. We are incredibly attracted to each other but there is this block holding me back. It was really difficult for me to put it in words and describe to her what was going on. So, hearing all of this is ringing so many bells and making a lot of sense.

Jaliessa: Good. I am glad. I think there is another piece to this that goes back pretty far into childhood. Basically, what I am referring to is Chiron. It’s an asteroid not a planet, but in astrology it is considered ‘The Wounded Healer’ which is basically wounds that we carry with us from early on in our lives that we eventually either heal or we kind of perpetuate the patterns that… like we are operating on the instincts of those wounds.  For you, your Chiron is in the seventh house, which is the house of relationships. This indicates that either your parents divorced or were distant from each other or there was some sort of recognition in your childhood of that emotion separation.

Ev’Yan: Yeah, very true. My parents did divorce. They didn’t divorce when I was a child, it was official when I was eighteen or nineteen. But, there was a major discord that happened throughout in most of their marriage, at least to what I could remember, to what I could see when I was growing up. So, yeah, that resonates.

Jaliessa: And often times, the way that this can manifest is wanting that sense of security the bond. So, it could be marrying early or just wanting to be committed before anything else happened.

Ev’Yan: I got married at twenty. So, yeah.

Jaliessa: Yeah, it’s the need for relational security that comes from relational scarcity. Either you saw scarcity of love or you have to hold onto someone or you have to go down and make sure that everything is in place before you open up. So, I think that also comes into play.

[AD BREAK]

The The Sexually Liberated Woman celebrates sexual liberation. And since you’re listening to this podcast, I think it’s pretty safe for me to assume that you’re already about that life.

 Maybe you’re already on your sexual liberation journey and you’re in this process of fully exploring your erotic self. Or maybe you’re one of the many, many people out there who isn’t at all at comfortable with their sexuality.

If so, I have some things that might help. When I’m not doing this podcast, I teach classes and facilitate healing that helps women and femmes liberate and connect to their sexuality. And I’ve created some awesome resources to help them on their journey.

Like, there’s a sensuality course I created that guides you into reconnecting with your sensual body one day at a time. There’s a digital workshop I lead that teaches you how to use sensual selfies as a way to heal and celebrate your sexuality.

There’s also my sexual liberation and healing practice where I help you step out of shame and into erotic empowerment via one-on-one mentoring, space holding, and fierce accountability.

So if you want to be sexually free, go sexloveliberation.com/shop and start your sexual liberation journey. I absolutely can’t wait to witness your blossoming. I’ll see you there.

[INTERVIEW WITH JALIESSA]

Ev’Yan: All of this is so resonant like, it’s so me. I am like, how do I break away from all those stories.

[35:00]

It is not that I am ashamed of being demisexual, it’s not that I don’t enjoy having emotional intimacy connections with folks before I get down and get dirty with them, but it would be a lot more convenient if I didn’t have to have that thing. Like, it’s a barrier for me and in a lot of ways; it has kept me from not dating and opening my relationships to the extent where I am actually seeking someone. Most people, they don’t have time to do that emotional connection, like, they just want to fuck, which is totally fine. But I also want to be able to access that too but knowing that’s this old story, among other things like Cancer piece, is keeping me from that.

Jaliessa: I think it starts with addressing it as a wound. It starts with addressing something that needs to be addressed. I think that the piece that we addressed is the scarcity part. Like, there is a scarcity of partners that want what I want, that can do what I want them to do. Like, the kind of stories that you replay to yourself that keep you from what it seems like you might want to do. Otherwise, it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, I think in terms of that, especially if you have partnership where your partner is open to be open, there is an opportunity to heal that. I also think this can be done through platonic relationships.

But I do thing that the sexual component, once you are able to heal, that’s seems like to be a breakthrough point which makes so much sense why you are stuck on that particular piece. It is really big deal. It’s a wound, that’s why we need to be addressing it as a wound. Having so much compassion for it, taking so much time from yourself for it, is actually addressing it. If you get a scrape, if you ignore it, it can get infected. You have to tend to it. You have to pay attention. You don’t have to go in the water or pour alcohol on yourself. It’s asking you to address it. It is something that needs tending to, it’s something that needs attention more than just when someone starts to like you.

Ev’Yan: Yeah. I like this idea of using my open relationship as tool to heal that wound or tend to it. I hadn’t really thought of that in this way. I think I have been approaching my additional relationships with folks as ways to make my wound even worse. So, the idea of using my open relationship as a way to… Maybe even in some degrees, the relationship I have with Jonathan is a way to heal that wound, because it doesn’t just show up in my additional relationships. It absolutely shows up in the relationship I have with him. So, yeah, being able to think about that, it’s important.

Jaliessa: The other thing that is so scary about these kinds of wounds is that you use your open relationships as proof, that you are right. It like, I am open, I am dating other people, but I still can’t find anyone, or I still can’t think past it. You know, you have your self-node, which is the node of the moon, in Libra. Long story short, it kind of is a pattern of hiding behind relationships. Like, if I am going to say in a really rash way, basically wanting to have back and forth about it, like, if you were to heal this wound, it is particularly about you. So, I think that you should start with the relationship you are already in. Because otherwise, you can come back to your partner and have those conversations, and kind of hide it in some ways. Not hide it, avoid it, and still get your needs fulfilled.

Ev’Yan: Right.

Jaliessa: Whereas, instead of being vulnerable and putting your need on the line or like your comfort on the line to address it.

Ev’Yan: Okay.

Jaliessa: Take a deep breath.

Ev’Yan: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It’s good. It is really good. I feel so not crazy, it is validating things that I have known for so long.

[40:04]

It’s really interesting and cool to see it being represented and played out in like, the way planets are aligned, and the stars are aligned when I am born. That’s incredible to me.

Jaliessa: So, on that note, why don’t we jump right into queer identity which we already have kind of touched a little bit. For me queer identity, there is a one signifier, there is a one way that it looks in the charts, and it is not always going to be… Okay, think that a lot of times astrologers, scientists, people who like to look at patterns try to box, or put people in a particular manifestation. Like, there is one manifestation of one thing and how it is going to be. I think there is new forms in that, there are new experiences and forms in chart, and that it is a conversation. I just want to prefix it with that but for you, you have Uranus in your first house. Uranus is innovation, change, excitement and newness. It is very revolutionary.

So, having that in your first house, which is your house of body, identity, and things like that, there is already something about you that people identify as different. There is something about you that sets you apart from maybe like the status quo of your identities, what your lived experiences have been. It is in Sagittarius so there are these open ideas that you are open to. You are open to lots of different types of people and lots of different people are attracted to you bead you have this ever-changing and ever-evolving sense of change to yourself. But those ideas don’t necessarily mean that practicing them feels comfortable for you. You can understand kink and queer-ness relationships, all kinds of relationship configurations all day, but do they make you feel secure? Do they feel like your needs are met? Not necessarily.

So, I think you have feelings about not being kinky. I feel that you have the capacity to intellectualize and understand and be down with the philosophy of lots of different ways of being sexually and relationally, but I think at the end of the day whatever provides you that stability is what you are going to show up for.

Ev’Yan: That’s so true. I think that this is showing up a lot in the work that I do because I work with a wide range of people, of people who identify in many different ways with many different kinds of partners, age groups, like, with many different kinds of kinks. So, I understand intellectually what it looks like to be multi-faceted in that way, have all these different options. But, for whatever reason, it’s just like it’s not really my thing. This is like the totally different subject that I would love to do a podcast on because I think it would be like a really interesting conversation.

Here is so much room between kink and vanilla, there is a lot of grey area, so I don’t think I am that much of a kinky person but also say like there are some aspects of kink that I really enjoy. So, what does that mean? Maybe I scored like 98% vanilla on this test that I took. But, that still doesn’t take away the fact that there are sexual things, sexual experiences that I like and enjoy, that don’t really fall within the vanilla category. So yeah, this is really interesting.

Jaliessa: Yeah, the other piece that I wanted to bring in with this Uranus thing is that it is also squaring your natal Venus. It like 22 degrees Sagittarius, your Uranus and Venus is 28 degrees Virgo. Uranus still has a say in what you find stimulating because Venus in that stimulus. And so, yes that deviancy protocol is accessible for you. But the physical satisfaction from that Mars in Virgo and that emotional satisfaction from Moon in Cancer, might just be a little bit stronger than your need to explore those particular deviances.

[45:00]

Ev’Yan: That makes so much sense.

Jaliessa: So, it’s like, maybe if you had those things fulfilled in that relationship, then you will be able to tap into more of those things that you want to explore. Or, maybe when you already have those things fulfilled, those are kind of the icing on the cake rather than the cake itself, because some people’s kink is the cake itself.

Ev’Yan: Yeah. I know that’s so true because I feel like… My partner and I, we have been together for almost twelve years this year and I feel like in the time we have been together, I have certainly grown more to trust him. Lately we have been having more kinkier than my standards, way more kinkier sex, and I know that has to with our longevity, our stability and me feeling more safe. Like, I am able to trust him more with my body, my heart and my emotions. So yeah, that is definitely showing up in big ways right now.

Jaliessa: Yeah, that’s great. And I think you have to get out of your head about it. Because it’s that Mercury piece that is making you feel like, ‘but I’m not vanilla. I’m not this’, because that is not what it is about. It is about that connection, ability to… If you are being fulfilled by vanilla sex, then you should do that. You know what I mean?

Ev’Yan: Yes.

Jaliessa: Because you are a sex educator does not mean that you have to try every flavor in the ice-cream shop, every kind of anything,

Ev’Yan: Thank you for saying that. That little piece that you just said, I am going to do a segment, I am going to replay that every single day. Oh my God, I feel like that is a huge think that has been coming up ever since I have started doing this work. I am more evolved, I am more enlightened if I am practicing more deviant types of sexuality. I mean I think in the beginning that was really fun for me. Like, I was able to do these things and explore, and then like lately I have been like, ‘okay, I know what I like. I know what I don’t like, and I need to learn about not feeling ashamed about not being super kinky.

Jaliessa: It goes back to the piece Ev’Yan, like you understand it intellectually. Kink lives in the brain, we all know that. All these things are accessing our brain through our bodies. Role play is pole play because we know it is not real. But, it is accessing different parts of fantasy. So, you understand it on that level. You, practicing it through your body is a completely different thing. That kind of dichotomy can exist in relationships.

Ev’Yan: Yeah.

Jaliessa: The last thing I wanted to talk about is you being a sex educator, because that makes complete sense to me. Working on your chart, your mid-heaven is also in Virgo which is the top of the chart. If you think about where the sun is around noon, like the highest point of the sun that could be, that point in the sky is mid-heaven. So, the point where we look up, what we have reverence for ourselves, our identities, a lot of times this is career placements, because the things that we want to be seen for socially, the things that we want to be looked up to as. So, your Venus is sitting right next to it, at 28 degrees. Mid-heaven is at 27 degrees.

Ev’Yan: Dang! So, like, everything… not everything but I have got a lot of Virgo on my chart. Good grief.

Jaliessa: Yeah, I mean you have a lot of the main… yeah, Virgo.

Ev’Yan: So, I don’t feel bad now when I tell people that I am a double Virgo. Maybe at this point it’s like quadruple Virgo, I don’t know how many planets I have in Virgo, but yeah, I feel like I am not the ‘oh I am Virgo’. I feel like most of the major places in my life are very Virgo as well. That’s validating.

Jaliessa: It is not because you have a ton of planets in Virgo, because you have three planets there. It is because they are at the top of your chart. The things that you do best, the things you can apply your Virgo skills to are what you want to be seen for in the world. Like the places where you can achieve it as close to perfection. Having Venus in the mid-heaven is like, ‘I want what I do. I want to be seen in the word as beautiful. I want to be seen as stimulating. I want to love what I do. I am a very basic woman.’ Also, the sun is also hanging up there, and the Mars.

[50:00]

If you go into the fifth house, which is the house of passion and children. That’s is kind of the passionate drives apart from the sex and sexuality, where is worth seven thousand relational aspects. You have Jupiter there, which is the planet of expansion and knowledge and philosophy and things like that. So, wanting to gain more and more information about those parts of yourself or those parts of the world is also pretty inmate in you. So, it totally makes sense to me why you do this work regardless of what your private life looks like.

Ev’Yan: Wow. So, I was always going to be some kind of rebel rouser. Okay. I first started out as doing hair and that was not a good match because it was too safe.

Jaliessa: Yeah. I mean your Jupiter in your fifth house. This lifetime for you is about engaging in passionate activities and manifesting your desires about learning, and to help other people do the same and to become a leader.

Ev’Yan: Hmm.

Jaliessa: Well, that’s all I have!

Ev’Yan: Amazing! I am really glad that I recorded this because I am going to use it for my own resources. It was so informative. I guess the last question I would have for you is, if you could just give me one concise piece of wisdom in regards to everything that you know about me by looking at my charts, Mars and Venus, what course of action do you think I should take in order to heal my Chiron or get out of my head? I am really curious about that one little bit for me to think about and work on.

Jaliessa: Learning how to just do it. Like learning how to get out of your head and then to the body and then to the past. Just doing it, I want that to be your motto because everything exists in your head. It’s like your Sun is in Virgo, your Venus is in Virgo, your Mars is in Virgo, everything is happening in this intellectual compartment. Your moon is in Cancer, which is always worried about how are people seeing you and if you are sharing too much or too little. There is this worry, that plugs your chart a little. Your Mercury is in Libra. Libra is ruled by Venus so it’s like, ‘everything that I say is pleasant. Everything I say is appealing to people.’ There is just so much worry. Your Earth is in Aries, in the fifth house. It is like, get it and go. Just do it. Think more about yourself. Stop worrying about what other people think about you because you are doing it and it is going to take you much longer if you lean on these processes that require you to go back and forth, and reprocess, reassess. It is going to be hard for you. You are a Virgo.

Ev’Yan: Yes.

Jaliessa: But, if you can find a practice, like meditation or exercise of something that you can do before you engage in certain types of activities or work. That can kind of just clear all of it out. Whatever it is. It clears all the bullshit out. You are like, ‘oh, okay I already wrote that down. I already meditated about that. Okay, I already talked about it.’ You can just start pushing those things away. So, finding some sort of activity that brings you clarity every day, particularly before you get into things that get you going into your head.

Ev’Yan: Wow. Well, thank you.

Jaliessa: You are so welcome.

Ev’Yan: Thank you so much for taking the time out to look at my chart and to tell me about myself. It was so good to get a reading from you, finally, and to also have your wisdom shared on my podcast. It’s a win-win across the board.

Jaliessa:  Yeah, it was such a pleasure. I am so happy we got to do this. Thank you for having me.

Ev’Yan: Yeah, for sure. So, if anyone wants to book a reading with you, wants to hear more about you and your work, where can they find you?

Jaliessa: My website is www.obsidianmoonastrology.com, Obsidian like the stone. I am on Instagram @JaliessaSipress. Those are the best places to find me and work with me.

Ev’Yan: Fantastic. Thank you so much Jaliessa. It was so much pleasure to talk to you and get my edges snatched by you.

Jaliessa: Anytime for you.

[ CREDITS ]

The Sexually Liberated Woman is produced, edited and designed by me, Ev’Yan Whitney with editing help by Justine Mclellen.

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Thank you so much for being here. I will see you in the next episode.