When I was young, I was completely ignorant about sex.
Of course, the teenage me would've totally scoffed at this statement. I thought I knew everything about everything back then, particularly when it came to things related to the erotic. But I was so, so confused.
One of the first things I realized when I began to find sexual liberation was that who I was back then and everything I thought I knew about sex was totally dysfunctional, toxic, and misguided.
And because of this realization, I found myself spiraling in cycles of regret a lot—if only I had had a role model to tell me how wrong I was; if only I hadn't have been so naive about what consent meant; if only I had prioritized my sexual well-being. . .
So many things would be different in my life if I had had more education, if I had been steered in a different direction. I think about that a lot too. I think about the woman I'd be if I had had a better understanding of things like consent, sexual identity, and my sexual anatomy.
It's been really hard to not live in this regret, to not punish myself for all the things I didn't know back then. And I'm not the only one. I've found that a lot of my clients struggle with this too.
We can't change the past, and this self-flagellation we're doing only makes it worse. What is there to be done about it?
/ The method I use to help me heal and move on from my sexual past (I actually give this as an assignment to my clients).
/ What triggered all this nostalgia in the first place.
/ And this:
"Fuck his feelings and his tears. Yours are more important."
I want you to share your voice with me by answering this question:
What sex advice and wisdom would you give your younger self if you could go back in time?
Record your voice and send the file to email@example.com. (Just try to keep it under a minute.)
If get enough people to contribute, I might just feature your words on an upcoming episode.
I look forward to actually hearing from you! xo
© 2020 Ev'Yan Whitney / All rights reserved.