For all of August, I’ve been highlighting and celebrating the Sexually Liberated Woman.
And through the stories shared here and the many, many others I've witnessed in private sessions, I've been deeply inspired.
I've learned so much about what it means to sexually liberated through doing this work. And from what I've seen emerge in each session, I've discovered some things.
I've discovered that the Sexually Liberated Woman isn't a figment of our imaginations. She is not an unattainable entity (even though it often seems that way), and her beingness doesn't need to be conjured through elaborate rituals or expensive retreats taught by sex gurus on beachy landscapes (but that can certainly help).
The one way we can begin to embody sexual liberation is much simpler than that: It's about realizing that it—sexual liberation—is already inherently within you. That you don't need to be taught anything. You only need to make space for curiosity to bloom possibility within you.
Just that simple realization can begin to create erotic empowerment.
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1. She desires. She knows that her ability to desire is powerful, a gift, and she knows that her capacity to desire is limitless. She is in communion with her desires on an hourly basis. She uses what she desires as a compass toward self-discovery, self-sovereignty, and self-care.
2. She is sensual; that is. . . she fully inhabits her body. She is tuned into all of her senses, especially her intuition, and she can pinpoint (not necessarily with words) the emotions that course through her. She feels things on a deep level; she's maybe a little empathic. She is connected to her natural rhythms (and if you ask her how she does this, she'll reply simply, "I listen."). She takes up space—physically, energetically—without apology.
3. She is sexual. Instinctually. Not just in the physical sense. No, she knows that sex isn't the only way to play with and express sexual energy, and she infuses nearly everything she does with tasteful, mindful, totally embodied sexuality. She knows who she is as a sexual being; she knows what things turn her on, light her fire, make her swoon. She has a close kinship with her genitals; she knows that that's where her erotic power is the most potent. She never denies herself of what she sexually desires.
4. She is self-loving. She luxuriates in her reflection, she takes selfies, she celebrates her beingness. She goes easy on herself, is kind to herself. She knows her worth and doesn't settle. She accepts herself as she is; she never apologizes for it. She is a fierce lover of her body—every curve, freckle, dimple, and scar. She wears things that make her feel beautiful.
5. She knows who she is, she knows what she wants. Both inside and out of the bedroom. She has a keen sense of knowing about her (thanks to being connected to her natural rhythms and her intuition). She honors her quirks and nuances. She is centered in her greatness.
6. She is spiritual. She sees sex as spiritual, and it is. When her body writhes with pleasure, she experiences the Divine. When her orgasm expands out from her, she becomes enlightened. And if you were to ask, she might say that sex is her religion. But not just sex. The sea is her religion. The wind is her religion, too. She has a special connection to the moon. She lights candles in ritual, she reads poetry from mystics, she practices divination, she looks to the stars for insight—it's all spiritual for her, for she is connected to all, and all is connected to her.
7. She has an active, healthy, expansive erotic life. She makes love to her lover(s), she makes love to herself. She doesn't allow her singlehood to take away the freedom and exquisiteness that comes with sexual expression. She masturbates. She finds pleasure in the thrill of seduction, of teasing, of revealing her body. She asks for what she wants. She knows what turns her on and is aware of her capacity to lust. She has created her own fluid definition of sexy. She uses orgasm as a form of medicine.
8. She is a feminist. She is sex positive. She creates a safe space for other sexual humans to blossom, play, and explore. She sees all beings as sexual and she celebrates that with them. And when others have disparaging words about her sexuality or her womanhood, she stands up for herself; she stands up for others. She speaks up when she hears racist, sexist, misogynist, slut-shaming things. She uses her voice; she knows that it is powerful.
9. She uses juicy words to describe herself: voluptuous; effervescent; bootylicious; vivacious; sultry; sensuous; promiscuous.
She's reclaimed seemingly vulgar language so that she is free to express herself with words of her choosing, with words that resonate.
10. She is responsible—with her heart, with her body, and her mind. She shares the gift of her sacred sexuality only with those she deems worthy. She practices safe sex and routinely gets her women's exams; she sees these things almost like they are expressions of self-love. When her body says No, she respects that no, and she's not afraid to hurt feelings in order to honor that No.
11. She is a survivor. She knows that the healing done in that realm is paramount to her blossoming as a sexual being. She takes full responsibility for her healing and celebrates every single step she takes in that process. She goes easy on herself as she continues to courageously walk down that path.
12. She seeks out alone time. Actually, she sometimes prefers it, because she knows that in solitude, magic happens: she comes to know herself even more. She goes to lunch by herself with a book or her journal. She steals a few moments away in her day-to-day to reconnect with her spirit—to dance, to meditate, to play, to go inward. She doesn't allow anything to get in the way of Me Time. She practically demands it.
13. She is open. She is true. She is genuine. She is boundaried. She is in flow. She is wild. She is a woman unto herself.
14. She lets her sensual/sexual, radiant light shine, for she knows that when others are illuminated and warmed by it, they will feel inspired to shine their own light too.
© 2020 Ev'Yan Whitney / All rights reserved.