On Being Disconnected From My Body
photo from Tumblr
I know when things have gotten crazy busy when, at the end of a long day, I can't feel my body.Not because my body is numb, but because I am numb to my body (if that makes sense). I feel cut-off and totally separate from all of my senses, so much that all that seems doable for me is to veg out in front of the TV before going to bed.This is what I mean when I say "castrated from the neck down." It's a sense of disconnect so fierce that it literally feels like you are a head on a stick.I've been feeling that a lot lately. Last week I had seven client calls—which was amazing!—but it also derailed me from my sensual practice.It happens, you know? For the most part, we don't live in a world that nurtures sensual awareness. Especially with all of these exciting technological advances. Rather than tuning back in to our bodies, we tune into Instagram, or Facebook, or bad reality TV.For the record: There's nothing wrong with those things! Vegging out after a long day of work is a luxury I deeply enjoy and downright need on some occasions.But the truth is that I do not enjoy being disconnected from my body, from my senses.I've been thinking about this a lot lately, trying to recenter myself and connect back to my body after a particularly busy month. And I have a couple ideas of what could be done to remedy this, but mostly I just wanted to see if I was the only one feeling this way.So I wrote a letter and asked my tribe if they were struggling like I was. And the answers I got. Just. . . wow. Here are some of the things they shared with me:
"Reading this last email was so relieving-- I've been experiencing the same physical disconnect."
"This came at a perfect time. I feel much the same way. Disconnected from my body and mind. Sometimes my soul gets mixed in. When I'm moving at a frenetic pace, I lose me."
"I also feel like there's no place for softness, openness, tenderness so when I'm feeling like that I either shut down, go numb and go into survival mode or break down and have to stop what I'm doing."
I received a ton of emails a lot like this, each one longing for sensual reconnection without a direction on how to solve this problem.And it made me angry.
Why? Because sensuality is your birthright! Your body is meant for pleasure, and you are worthy of feeling nothing less than embodied! And not just you, but me too!
The fact that we often feel so disconnected from our bodies is not just frustrating, it's also really sad.I heard it said once that your anger is a gift, and in this instance the gift anger gave me was in the form of tenacity. I needed to do something about it.So I did.